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Question
Posted by: Jasmine | 2004/01/22

When a woman's got a gut feeling.......

A few months ago I posted an article regarding a guy (Koifish) that I had met who was my age (32). We clicked on a certain level yet there was always something about him that niggled me. About 3 months later he felt the need to release some of his guilt and hence told me that he had been married (briefly - a few weeks) and had a 12yr old child. After telling me this, the next day he also posted his feelings on this very same site that he felt worried about how I would handle this.
Anyhow, I handled it very maturely and never did it become an issue with time that passed.
This Christmas I went away on my own on holiday. It would have been nice for him to join me but I selflessly urged him to spend Christmas with his dad who, according to Koifish is terminally ill with prostate cancer.
I have now terminated the relationship because I have discovered that everything about him is a lie. He would pick fights with me nearly religiously each Thursday/Friday, only to disappear weekends (cell phone off) and then by Monday all would be fine again....
In the meantime he 'raided' my cell phone - checking each and every message, contact and THEN used MY cellphone to send all these messages to HIS phone - at my expense!!
In the meantime my folks also became very fond of him and he would say how great they are and how he wishes he had the relationship that I do with his folks.
I have also come to discover that he never spend Christmas with his 'dying' father.
I have come to discover that his son is not 12 yrs old but 10.
I also know that he is having a relationship with somebody else on alternate weekends.

I urge all women/men who have gut feelings, to acknowledge them and be guarded against people like this. I am very disappointed in this man, it is hard to get accustomed to being alone.
But I am smart and attractive and I know that I will find someone more deserving and more appreciative.

Where do they breed these kinds of people anyhow?

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Our expert says:
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Dear Jasmine,
I applaud your positive attitude now, and agree that you are now free to find someone more appreciative and honest. As far as I can recall, when first hearing your story, I did say that he sounded very fishy and hard to consider trustworthy. You are well rid of him --- it's just sad to think that he's probably now working on some other excellent woman, with a fresh pack of lies, and hoping she'll be less sensible than you were.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Mona | 2004/01/22

I remember you (and him!) I'm glad everything turned out fine, and that you realised what he was all about before you got stuck in a serious relationship (like marriage!!) with him.

I'm sure you will find someone that will love you and treat you in the way that you deserve!

Reply to Mona
Posted by: Juzlisen | 2004/01/22

Yes not everything is what it seems, I too learned the hard way.
I met a guy last year March, very attractive, treated me like a princess, gave me anything I needed, then after a while when we discovered we were expecting the whole truth fell out - the signs were there, the cell was always left in the car or off, we lived together but he would come home late on every other night ( becuase he was visiting his supposed ex) yeah right - anyway I found out that their relationship ended but only for a while.
She was hanging a big guilt trip over his head about their baby that died - I am truly sorry for her loss but these things happen I know how she feels becuase not even eight weeks into my pregnancy I lost our child, well this sounds horrible but I am relieved - I would never want to end up having a part time husband/lover and father to my child, I suppose things happen for a reason. Maybe God has given me the chance to start all over. Be strong - shit happens but you are right a woman needs to listen to her instinct. He cheated on her with me when she was pregnant and he did the same to me. So it showed me that despite the fact that I truly love him and yes he was very good to me I was not what he wanted, so I am letting it all go.

Reply to Juzlisen
Posted by: J | 2004/01/22

Usually under rocks.

Good for you girl!

Reply to J

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