Posted by: Izzy | 2007/02/27

Whats up with her?

I need advice. Anyone out there who can help?

My girlfriend is 15 years older than I am (im in my mid twenties), and she's very young at heart and loves me very much.
However, we haven't had sex in the last 4 months, and its beginning to worry me.

I've brought it up with her, but she says she loves me very much and still finds me attractive, but she's just not in the mood.
I've initiated sex several times, but I get turned down.

What do I do? She's tired of me bringing up the issue, and im tired of being turned down.

Relationships stem deeper than lust and passion, but that doesn't mean it should disappear altogether.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageGay, lesbian and bisexual expert

Hi Izzy, welcome to the forum and thanks for this post. The lack of sexual intimacy in your relationship is clearly disturbing you and I'm wondering how your girlfriend feels about it - it is quite possible that she's experiencing this negatively as well, but for different reasons. It is very unpleasant being turned down or rejected, but it is also possible that she feels guilty about this.

It is quite normal for couples to go without sex for quite protracted periods, particularly if one partner is stressed or depressed. A dip in libido could also be due to health factors or may be caused by some medications. Many couples are not fazed by periods of no sex and rather enjoy the emotional intimacy of the relationship.

Try not having sexual expectations and focus on more physical intimacy such as simply making more physical contact and touching, hugging, kissing and explore massage. It is possible that increased intimacy could, with time and if you're able to be patient, lead to more sexual interaction. However it is important that your girlfriend not feel 'pressured' at all so avoid any direct initiation of sex for a while.

Previously on our forum I've written about a very controversial topic, unfortunately named 'lesbian bed death', which looks at the assumption that some lesbian couples stop having sex after a few years of being together. Use Google to find more info on this but be wary of seeing the lack of sex as pathological - it isn't.

Please feel free to post again.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: Nikki | 2007/02/27


Yes I agree with you on that one.

Your g/f is in a space in time that her appetite for sex is affected by a number of reasons.

In passing I can mention stress, menopause, hormone imbalances, etc.

I suggest you have a shot at the Sexologist forum and post this question there. (You dont need to reveal your sexual orientation status there)

It happens to everyone and can be treated as it tends to harm relationships if nothing is done about it.

She is more then likely just as concerned too but dont want to talk about it and this just adds additional stress, so be careful how you go about it.


Reply to Nikki

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