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Question
Posted by: Angelheart | 2005/12/06

Whats more important to love or to be loved ?

Do you think its more important in your life to love your partner or to be loved by your partner, in your opinion, what can gives us greater joy in the long term, in my relationships I have never had both at the same time, I wish I did,i just have not had both so I need to settle down and make a decision about my partner and need guidance.

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Our users say:
Posted by: figured it out | 2005/12/06

To Anon: I htink it means you are no longer so affected by being in love and not getting it back.

I have done the same, trying to get over my ex by thinking of all the lousy things, but really, all that does is remind me of the hurt. Its not a solution. Only time is. Thinking bad things just buys you time, does not kill love.

Reply to figured it out
Posted by: ANON | 2005/12/06

But what if the onw u are with doesnt love u.Over the past month i've been tryin to fall out of love with my b/f by thibking of the bad treatment he gives me.Somehow i think im gettin.recently the things he does to me dont hurt me as much anymore.does this mean im succeeding?

Reply to ANON
Posted by: figured it out | 2005/12/06

Hi HoT

How you doing this week after the gazillion name changes last week. You ok?

Reply to figured it out
Posted by: Helena of Troy | 2005/12/06

If you cant be with the one you love, love the one you're with?

Reply to Helena of Troy
Posted by: Frusty | 2005/12/06

The balance will only be there if you both love each other and respect each other - equally. It will not work otherwise. You have to feel secure in each others love for the relationship to work. With that as a basis, you can take on the world.

Reply to Frusty
Posted by: Yellow | 2005/12/06

I think it is great to love someone, it gives you the most wonderful feeling, but if they dont return that love then eventually it will fade away, or cause a lot of heartache. If someone loves you and you are not sure, then I would examine very carefully how they treat you, as I believe that if someone loves you and treats you with respect that you will grow to love them. My mom said with her second husband she was never head over heels in love with him, she was more concerned about compatibility. He treats her like a princess and she says she loves him more than she has ever loved because of how he treats her. I think we should all have an idea of what we need and want from a relationship and make sure of those requirements before we fall head of heels and cant think straight. Perhaps then we would choose better partners.

Reply to Yellow
Posted by: Angelheart | 2005/12/06

Frusty

I agree with you. But how does one achieve a balance ?

Reply to Angelheart
Posted by: Giorgia | 2005/12/06

i agree with frusty on that one..... i loved my ex with all of my being, he was the world to me...... how did he show his "love" for me in return? by screwing a woman the same age as his mother, and what did i do, i stuck around for two years whilst he did his girlfriend....... yeah, i am a fool...... but on the flip side, i have met someone who finally accepts my love and loves me in return....... there is always an upside....

Reply to Giorgia
Posted by: Frusty | 2005/12/06

Hey Twink, how your doing? I have to disagree with you there. I loved my husband so much when we first got married and only after our second son was born did it dawn on me that he never loved me in return. So, you can love and not be loved in return and vica versa.

Reply to Frusty
Posted by: figured it out | 2005/12/06

How tough it is to love someone and not have them love you back.

How tough it is to have someone love you dearly, and you know in your heart you are lying to them by not loving them back as they think or wish you would.

If you know what its like to love and not be loved back, you would understand how it feels for the other person when they love you and you dont love them back.

Both situations are equally lousy, and equally unfulling. In both situations you are not getting what you need, as its in our nature to both love and be loved.

If you settle with someone who love syou, but you dont love, you are denying yourself theopportunity to love. What happens if a year or two donw the line, you bump into the person you truly fall in love with? Someone is going to get very hurt.

I also need to make decisions, I want to have children, but under no circumstances will I willingly have children if I do not love the woman. Its a recipe for distaster.

If the decisions you have to make involve having a child, just be careful. The person may well look after you and be there for you til death do you part, but you know you are just using the person for a child and security. Is that really going to make you happy? No. But you will have your child, which I guess is very important. Just think carefully.

Reply to figured it out
Posted by: twink | 2005/12/06

you cant receive love, without giving love and vice versa...

Reply to twink
Posted by: Been there | 2005/12/06

Thats a hard one - in this day and age, you have to be willing to meet each other half way at least - sounds selfish but i've been hurt so much that I decided I wont do what you are not willing to do for me.

Reply to Been there

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