Posted by: Marc | 2009/08/17

What would you do? Please help me, I need you opinion

I am 36yrs, have 3 children and my husband (52yrs). Whenever we used to quarrel my husband would not allow me to use any of his vehicles and he will not even leave money for our domestic use, or offer any support. I worked very hard, went back to school and now I hold a very good job and we are all expatriates with international organizations and leaving in a neighboring country from our home country. I bought my own car and started taking care of myself and children without asking him for any dime but he got very angry and claimed that I am trying to prove to him that I am tough to which he also went out and bought a second car despite having two mortgages and a car loan for his current car which he now can' t service not adequately. My husband who holds a very influential post with his organization which is one of the top organizations in the region and travels over the continent and sometimes to europe very frequently. I know he has girlfriends in each of the towns of the six African countries he frequently visits cause each time he returns home I have found hotel receipts and expenditure receipts for items which were obviously spent on women. I have also scrolled his phone and found intimate sms messages from 10 different girls. He uses his position to lure young gals (24-28yrs) into having sexual relations with them under the pretext that he is going to employ them in his organization. Mostly he leaves work by 5pm and ends up reaching home at the earliest 9pm, sometimes he even absconds from the office and goes to lodgings to have sex with these gals. He has no apology and will not even attempt to be discreet about his behaviour. Whenever he returns from his trips he comes back with ladies perfumes and several small gifts which he hides on the very top shelves of his wardrobe (he does not know that I am aware). His phone is permanently of vibrator and on the days that he gets home early which are very rare he will change from his suit into shorts and t-shirt, get a glass of his favourite whisky and sit on the coach watching television and falls asleep by around 8.30pm. He sleeps on the couch and comes to bed around 1pm. He has publicly humiliated me severally even upto my work place. I tried leaving previously but he would get very violent and humiliates me in front of our house-helps, the last time I succeeded and left with my children, they cried that they wanted to go back home and after two days we returned. I have a five month old daughter who wont let him even touch her, each time he attempts to pick her up she virtually screams. I have evidence to all the things I have said above. Please tell me what would you do because I am going crazy. I am filled with sooo much anger and bitterness that all I want is to destroy him and very painfully.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Surely marriage counselling is really needed here ? Sounds like his vanity is pat of the problem.
But seriously, if you are sure he is having sex with other women as you describe, then you should consider refusing to have sex with him, on the grounds that he could infect you with HIV and other STD. What about your family, and his --- could they perhaps intervene helpfully ? Otherwise, consult a lawyer and make sure he is required to pay proper mainenance for you and the children, and that if necessary you get a court interdict forbiding him from threatening or harming you in any way

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: Really | 2009/08/18

Divorce him, having the kids cry for a few days is all worth well compared to living under such abusive conditions. In the long run it will be for their own good and yours too. You do say that you have a very good job and you are taking care of yourself and the kids so why do you feel you still need him.

As CS says, this man will infect you with all sorts of things, maybe he might even start depending on you, there is nothing wrong with this if he was a good hubby, but if he is feeding his lucxurious life, he won' t be able to do that for long because he won' t be able to keep all those other ' gals'  happy for long either. If he infects you, who will take care of those lovely kids? And since he is violent, what makes you think it won' t get worse???

Leave Him, and have the courage to never go back.

All the best

Reply to Really
Posted by: leave him | 2009/08/18

leave him, you dont need this in your life. dont try and destroy him you will only get hurt. move out when he is on one of his trips or change the locks so he cant get in. start divorce proceedings.

Reply to leave him
Posted by: Kay in Gtown | 2009/08/17

Hi Marc
Try splitting your story into paragraphs, it makes it very much easier to read :)

Reply to Kay in Gtown

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