Posted by: worried | 2008/01/23

What would you do

I had an affair years ago that resulted in the birth of my 22 year old daughter. I married three years after her birth to a wonderfull man who died last year. The problem is my lover never knew he was her father ( I kept it from him because he was married and broke off the affair) Now after all these years my daughter has told him he is her father suddenly he is in love with me again and cant stop phoning me.He is still married and his wife is very hurt and angry about the whole affair ( not that I blame her) How do I get him to understand this happened year ago and I do not have feeling for him. I just want to get on with my life.(started seeing someone new)
His wife is now thinking of divorce because of his behavior, we live in a small town which make thing worse. We decided to kept this between the four of us ( they have 2 children in high school)and not tell anyone for now, but with his behavior I dont know. Any suggestions

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

A very sad situation in which every party may well get hurt. You know it was not wise to keep the birth of his child a secret from him. As she is now adult, she and he can decide whether they wish to have any sort of relationship, and if so, of what sort. But if you had good reasons to breakoff your relationship with him years ago, they're probably still good reasons, added to which is his willingness to chat on and hurt his current wife. You have no need to take calls from him

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Our users say:
Posted by: Worried | 2008/01/24

I have told him not to call me again I just put down the phone but he wont stop just calls again he even comes around after work and if I don't open the door sits and hoots in the car. I never told him about the baby because he & wife was my friends we were still just kids at the time she had just had a baby he wanted to go out she could not I was available thinks just happened we were never in love. Now he believes he is, keeps saying i am the mother of his only daughter (they have 3 boys) I am think about getting a court order.

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Posted by: Hope* | 2008/01/23

The whole situation just sounds so sad, especially for the wife.  After all this time, she must be deeply hurt.  You will have to be straight with him, tell him that there is no hope of having a relationship.

Reply to Hope*
Posted by: MrB | 2008/01/23

You should not even beat around the bush...jkust make it very clear that there can never be anything between you two. Make him understand that what happended 22 years ago is over and you have new plans for your life

Reply to MrB
Posted by: Mjoaman | 2008/01/23

u r on ur own

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