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Question
Posted by: Confused | 2005/12/01

What would YOU do?

What would you do if your father and mother-in-law never showed interest in your hobbies but when their own daughter does the same thing you did, they make a HUGE fuss? Would you go visit if their daughter (who is 8 years your junior) is always rude to you and nobody does anything about it but if you make ONE little wrong move, they are on to like flies on shit? What would you do if even you husband took their sides? He has promised over and over to stick up for me but he never does. Every tie I ask him about it, he says that I never go there so I never give him the chance to stick up for me. My in laws complain about not seeing me but they know full well why I don't want to go there. When we started dating, my hubby's sister first starting copying everything I did and then I got irritated and a bit nasty (I was wrong for that) but she holds a grudge and has never been nice to me since then. She sticks her nose in our relationship and I can't take it anymore. I HATE when my hubby gets involved in all her problems. She is VERY unpopular in school and I feel that now we are married and it's his parents responsability to srt her issues out. He must stay out of it. My family let me handle my own problems and I am a better person for it. Advice? What would YOU do?

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Our expert says:
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No, it sounds as though you are giving them far, far too much power over you --- over what you do and over how you feel. Wht don't you and your husband make other, true friends. Remember the little boy at school who was asked to define family, and he said "They're people who come to dinner, but who aren't our friends."
Let them do as they please, you don't have to let them get to you ; ignore it, as you would a dog barking

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Our users say:
Posted by: Confused | 2005/12/02

I just want to please my husband. But he always forces me to go there and I don't want to! I've tried to tell him how I feel. He says I'm silly and I must just ignore those things they do. I just get hung up on the nasty things they say and do. See, when my parents hurt me, I stand up for myself. I'm not used to keeping my mouth shut for anyone. Yes, I have gotten burned in the past BUT at least I've been honest! I have to watch every move I make and everything I say! It feels like I'm in some sort of concentration camp!

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Posted by: waterblom | 2005/12/02

Why are you giving your own personal power away like that?

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Posted by: Confused | 2005/12/02

I understand what you are saying. I just get this knot in my stomach whenever I have to see them. And I mean HAVE TO because my hubby forces me. They do quite a bit for us but I feel like I don't want to depend on them. But my hubby seems to rely on them too much! Because they do a lot for us, my hubby uses that against me and says that all I have to do in return is be nice to them. Easier said than done because I find them to be rather snobby. I find myself avoiding them altogether and not wanting to even hear about them! Especially his sister. She gets into all sorts of trouble at school and I must hear all about it!

Reply to Confused
Posted by: Jane(1) | 2005/12/01

The very best thing you can you for YOURSELF is to not allow this situation to get to you. Easier said than done, I realize that, but honestly you are the only one getting upset, stressed out and bogged down by it. Been in the same situation except my sis-in-law was much older than I am and managed to belittle me on every opportunity possible in front of my ex, the in-laws, my children etc. Until I decided that SHE is the one with the issues, insecurities and whatever else and I made a huge effort not to allow myself to be influenced in any way by her behaviour towards me. Hurts like hell when hubby doesn't stand up to his family for his wife, but what doesn't kill you makes you stronger and not only am I stronger, but I have learned to not allow anyone to hurt me as I've been hurt before. Wish you heaps of luck.

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