Posted by: G O!!! | 2009/09/10

What will be the impact?

I have my 4 yr old daughter living permanently with me and I have my stepdaughter of 6 staying with us permanently as well. She asked to come live with us. She is turning 7 in Jan and my daughter turning 5 now in Dec. I want to know if there can be any lasting issues for my stepdaughter because she asked to come live with us. she doesnt wnat to live with her mom and siblings and stepdad anymore.

Her sister is the same age as my daughter and she has Epilepsy, had it from birth and then there is her half-brother who was born in Jan. (just before the 6 yr old' s b-day) I arranged a special party for her birthday this year because her mom was so caught up with the new baby that she didn' t bother.

I want to find out what the impact can be on her later in life.. She cries when we tell her that her mom is picking her up as she will visit with them for the weekend and apparently she is impossible the entire weekend.. I do not see any of the behavious that her mom explains at my house...

my stepgirl of 6 also told me her stepdad told her that she doesnt live with them anymore and that its a good thing and that none of the toys are hers anymore at their house.. ???....
Is it better to split her from her sister and keep her with me or could my partner and i be thinking we are doing what is best for her or are we worsening the situation.??
We are very patient with her and she doesnt throw tantrums with us like she apparently does with mom.. she and mom also yells at each other and they act like she is a teenager and not a 6 yr old!!!

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Our expert says:
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There's no gneral answer to such question. So much depends on the history of the situation, the personalities involved, etc. There's no NECESSARY reason why their SHOULD be any problems. It sounds as though she is realy unhappy with her mom, and might have been neglected there, for one reason or another. But when they tell her none of what were once her toys are hers now, that sounds highly spiteful. There must be more going on than immediately meets the eye. Sounds like the problems lie with her mom and that home, and not with you. Maybe an assessment by a child psychologist would help to get a more detailed picture.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Biomamma | 2009/09/10

Oh my, that' s not good! Parents can be so stupid sometimes! In that case, why don' t you speak to her teacher? If there is a change (good or bad) the teacher can tell you. Teachers are great in that, if you have a confidential chat to her, she might be willing to intervene on behalf of your daughter. She has the right to call a parent/teacher meeting and she has the right to demand that the child sees someone. Then they have to comply, else social services becomes involved. That way, it doesn' t come from you  -). Sometimes, when we want what is best for all our children, we have to be a little sneaky...

Reply to Biomamma
Posted by: G O!! | 2009/09/10

That is just the problem, because I am not her biological mom nor her legal guardian , I cannot take her to see someone myself.. I can only do that if one of her parents sign permission and neither one thinks it is abnormal behaviour for her.. they believe she just wants attention!! I believe there is more to it than just attention seeking. dad says that she is fiine with us so doesnt want to take her to a shrink

Reply to G O!!
Posted by: Biomamma | 2009/09/10

Hi Go!!, my advice is to do what is best for the child. I agree with CS, take her to a therapist to make sure that she is okay, but as long as she is happy and content, then all would be well..

Reply to Biomamma

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