Posted by: Time Bomb! | 2004/03/10

What Went Wrong!

Hi Doc. Hope you can give me some insight about myself. I know it is almost imposable to do if you don't know me. Perhaps I am posting this just to try and sooth my conscious, hope not, or justify them for that matter.

My life is in a bit (understatement) of a mess .I do feel as if I am on a destructive path and going there fast. Most of it I think is self-destruction as well. I am so frustrated every day in my work. So no job satisfaction there. I am not getting any younger (28) and don't feel my self worth going up as it should. Love life is in a downward spiral. Had great girl then for about 5 years, but didn't know it. We broke up and she got married .I have Been in and out of relationships for 2-3years now. The women I have been with were not all my type. And unfortunately I have been "weak" in some of my decision-making at times when sex aroused. And the final nail in the coffin is I found out that I made the one lady I was seeing pregnant.

So the verdict I ask? I know that this was not my standard of living mentally and emotionally. I don't think I am better than any one but I know what type of person I used to be and when I look at myself in the mirror I get scared, really scared.

I was wondering if the could be the makings of a mid-mid life crisis or did I loose my self-esteem along the way so too myself worth. My morals and upbringing used to be my claim to fame. Feel like I lost so much of myself. Every time I will say to myself that as from now I will try and get myself back on track again (Straight and Narrow). It will go well for a week or two and BAM! same old, same old. Used to have a lot of drive but no surprise now all gone. As a person that does a lot of inward reflection I have to ask ‘What Went Wrong!’ Am I using this as an excuse to make me feel better or for some justification by some of the users here?? Am I trying to blame someone else for my shortcomings? Or might there be some deep seeded issues that happened in my life way back or recent that has me in this state of mind. The way things are going now is not living live it is just surviving it. Wow how’s that for self analyzing. :)

What steps can I take to get me out of this whole I dug for myself. Professional help like seeing a shrink is not on the table yet. A thousand mile journey starts with the first step...step1 now what?

All constructive help welcome. If I get a slap on the wrist it is well deserved I suppose.

Thanks to all and Doc.

(P.S) I am taking responsibility for the baby. Thought I put it in here for good measure.

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Our expert says:
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Dear TB,
NObody said that one has to wait until mid-life to have a really good crisis ! Sorry that you so promptly rule out getting expert help --- you're describing so perfectly the sort of situation in which counselling is perfectly desgined to help.
Otherwise --- force yourself to avoid making hasty decisions, so you have time to weight them up in relation to your values and besy interests. And if you want to feel good about yourself, deliberately plan to get involved in activities that will help you to feel proud of yourself --- some charitable / otherwise "helping others" activities are often valuable in this regard.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: Denny | 2004/03/12

Dear Time Bomb - One small bite of the elephant at a time. You will get where I am - and guess what I still hope to reach greater heights.....I think that's what life is all about, learning, growing ....we never reach perfection this side of heaven but if I look back and see where I've come from - wow. So take each day at a time - learn to love yourself.

Reply to Denny
Posted by: Time Bomb | 2004/03/11

- Denny. Thanks for all the inspiring and kind words.Hope everything is still going acording to your plan.Wish i was where you are at the moment.Tried clicking my heels three times but no luck.
- Kernel. You make it sound so easy.But right you are.Those hasty descisions i make and not weighing up the consecinses are the ones the get me the most.Will try and make a concious effort to think about the situation first before going in head first(no pun intended).

Reply to Time Bomb
Posted by: Denny | 2004/03/11

Dear Time Bomb
Something similar happened to me years ago. Difference is that I am woman you are man and I was 40 and for 2 - 3 years after 5 year relationship ended and not pleasantly but I guess I felt so disappointed, shocked by what happened I really just rebelled against life and whatever was good. Maybe it's because we feel that well I lived a decent life, trusted did all the right things and look where it got me.....BUT the price one pays as you have discovered is not worth it - your soul feels shredded after awhile and you wonder where or who the real you is.
It took a few (I can't even call them relationships) involvements with mostly not suitable men at all and lost a lot along the way. Then something I was really ashamed of happened and I got such a fright.
Then I buckled down, firstly went to AA for a year - because to enable me to do all these so called "exciting" things I had to drink because it really wasn't in my nature to do most things I did .
I was referred to a terrific counsellor who took the 'tough love' route with me and got me clean chemically. Then I started feeling really good about myself. I because I then became a bit more picky about involvements i.e. decided on NONE rather than just so called enjoying life. I found thereafter that I actually was content on my own and worked on ME inside and out.
Be kind to yourself. Forgiveness is a big thing. Forgive yourself and others if you need to. Take responsiblity for the fact that you have made a lady pregnant and do what you need to.
There is always a consequence to everything we do or decision we make.
You sound like a decent person and I'm sure you will one day find someone who is right for you. I have after wasting many years of my life. But then nothing is wasted - one grows and learns from mistakes.
Believe in yourself again. All the best.

Reply to Denny
Posted by: Kernel | 2004/03/11

It is all a matter of making the correct decision when you are confronted with situations not conforming to your upbringing, goals and morals. Think about these issues and what you want from life for yourself before making any hasty decisions, which could put you on the wrong track.

Try not to always take the easy way out, because most of the time it is not in the best interest of yourself on the long term. It is tough and requires hard work to stay on the right track at all times.

Best of luck.

Reply to Kernel

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