Posted by: Mandy | 2005/07/28

What to make of this?

Hi all, hope all had a wonderful day thus far? : )

Quick senario, I'm engaged to be married one day to my live in partner. He has 2 kids, 5 and 8 years old. We have a daughter of 15 months and I have a daughter of 13. Huge Family, i know. : )

Approximately a month ago our baby daughter was submitted to hospital for bronchi neumonia, discharged after 4 days, resubmitted that evening via emergency room, choking, diaree. Long story short for that entire 8 days I was at the hospital 24/7, only going home to bath and eat a light supper.

Two weeks ago, live in partner's youngest son was admitted to hospital for vomiting. He stayed there 2 days with the little tyke.

The question is, when I was in hospital I was told to go home, sleep at home as the nursing staff will look after 15 month old baby well enough,, which I refused to do. Out of curiousity (sp) asked him if he was going to spend another night at son's bed, turning 6 middle aug. His answer was yes. When I asked him the question as to why he suggested that I go home when our much younger daughter, who cannot talk, express herself, running high fevers had to be left alone and not his son. He just said: " I realise know this is different"

I'm confused, does he feel less for his daughter? Stupid question I know, but would like to hear other people's views on this.

Ps - When baby was in hospital he never offered once to sleep there one night. Just suggestion I go home to sleep.

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Our expert says:
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Maybe he's being caring, in situations that looked more different to him than they did for you. Maybe he thought in the case of your daughter, the diagnosis, treatment and outcome were more clear, and maybe his son's vomiting was not at that stage as clearly identified, diagnosed, etc. ? Maybe, due to his ex, he feels more guilt, and hence more responsibilit, towards the boy ? Buty do, indeed, sit down and talk this through with him, in a pleasant and not complaining manner ( which will achieve more ).

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Our users say:
Posted by: Elsie | 2005/07/28

I think you need to talk to him and express your feelings openly. It was unfair of him to take sides with both of his kids. If he treats his children this way now, then it means he will do so even when they are older and the sad thing is that the kids would have grown up and will notice the difference. Talk to him for the sake of the children.

Reply to Elsie
Posted by: SG | 2005/07/28

It does seem rather unfair of him but I would rather chat to him about his reasoning-we can only guess.
He probably has some guilt associated with his other child/children.

Reply to SG
Posted by: Jemma | 2005/07/28

I will also feel that it is unfair but perhaps this is different because perhaps with you he knows his daughter is in the best hands but with his son he maybe don't trust the ex and feels that he must be there for his son because the ex cant be trusted or something like that.

I do think you must have a long chat with him about it when the time is right and explain to him why you feel unhappy about the whole situation but I do think that you must first listen to what he has to say before you jump to any conclusions.

Good luck.

Reply to Jemma

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