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Posted by: miserable | 2004/10/14

what to do...very unhappy

my fiance has gone away on business for a couple of months, he left two weeks ago, the first week i lost my appetite and the first three days of that week i couldn't stop crying because i missed him so much, i never thought i'd miss anybody as much as i miss him, i don't know how i'm going to last these few months without him, i get headaches everyday and i'm always tired, somebody told me it could be because of the change of season! i lnow that nothing bad will happen to our relationship...but i just don't know what to do, i feel like my life has been put on hold.
i don't know what to do, please help???

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Check the archive of the forum, as we've discussed exactly this issue several times in recent weeks. I can't think of anything fresh to say about it, but I'm sure others will --- and indeed, they already have, most excellently.

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Our users say:
Posted by: venus101 | 2004/10/19

hey baby face, it's called co-independent. Don't do this to yourself - this could lead to depression and you DON'T want to go down that path.
You are a person with interests, hobbies, etc. of your own. Carry on with life sweetheart, join a gym, become active in your church, find a mentor to study and research.
You have NOT lost your boyfriend - he's coming back! Stop grieving/mourning. The last thing he wants, is that you unhappy and crying all the time. Happy people, have happy relationships, ONLY because they know themselves and have there own identity, never be co-independent (which means you live off that person, who he/she is, what he/she wants etc.).

Best word of advice - start reading the Bible, become active in your church, love.

God bless

Reply to venus101
Posted by: miserable | 2004/10/15

thanks you guys, maybe that's what i should start doing, i know that if you having fun, time flies!
and i did pick up a few kilo's when he was down (not that much, maybe 3 or 4), so maybe i can just keep myself busy at the gym too, and work on keeping myself slim and trim for his arrival...and he's always wanted to see what i look like as a blonde, so maybe i'll do that for him as well (but not for long).
thank you for all your help, it's so nice to know that there are people out there (that one doesn't even know in person) to get advice from, thank you again!

Reply to miserable
Posted by: Jess | 2004/10/14

There's this other thing I heard about... absence makes the heart grow fonder. Imagine he gets back and sees how cool you are, doing all this stuff and strutting your independence like the coolest sexiest self-confident modern woman of the world. Show him what you're made of, yeah you missed him like hell, and yeah, you dealt it like a pro - but of course you'll be DELIGHTED to have him back, and you can show him that in so many exciting ways... make him feel so great, shock his socks off.
Hang tough chic, we're made of pure powerful material that'll get us through anything - if we want it to...
My best to you!!

Reply to Jess
Posted by: always b positive | 2004/10/14

Well I totally agree with Jess... i know it must be so lonely not having him around but also use this time to pamaper yourself..its so much fun too, just think what a nice surprise for your fiance... Go get your nails done, eyelashes tinted, facial what ever the point is you will start feeling good about yourself.

In the evenings start a little routine thing going like for example twice a week get a freind to meet you and go for a walk after work... have freinds over for an easy supper like burgers or even all pitch in whatever once a week tell them its support night for you, start a hobbie that you do after suppers, trust me that will really light up your life BIG time! you need to be doing things, not coming home form work and going to bed early! Think of how much he will have to tell you when he comes back and all you can say is not much..how boring...also its important for your future husband to know that you arent clingy and that you too can do things...

All the best and please try the routine thing - it will work!

Reply to always b positive
Posted by: miserable | 2004/10/14

hi jess! thank you so much for what you said...what i do is i wake up in the morning, go to work, go home, get lunch ready for work (sometimes i think why should i bother because i don't end up eating most of it) and then i go to sleep...that pretty much does it...i just wish these months would end so quickly!
thanks again for your advice, i think it helped a bit! will try and do what you said i should do!

Reply to miserable
Posted by: Jess | 2004/10/14

I read somewhere 'to love is to hurt'. And I think it hurts more, the more you love. My heart goes out to you. I was in a trance when my husband was away for only 2 weeks. I kinda went from one thing to another - work - home - sleep - like a zombie. So I cannot imagine what I would do if he went away for months, because he has a part of my heart and when he's away that part of me is missing.
I found the thing that helped me the most was to write down things I'd always wanted to do but never got around to. The more I wrote, the more I found to do. Idleness often leads to depression, so anytime I started feeling the emptiness again, I would go to my list and pick something to do, and anything new I thought of, I just kept adding to the list. Whether it was to go to the movies with long lost girlfriends, or invite my friends over for dinner and go NUTS on the preparation, or to tidy our spare room full of years of mail and cards and letters and junk... sort the CD's - anything to get me busy / distracted. And it's constructive as well, I was so reliant on this that I actually got so many of my goals accomplished - and got back in touch with some of my single girlfriends. It's not easy, but it can be done. It needs to be done, before your poor heart breaks in half from missing him. Good luck sweetie pie!!

Reply to Jess

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