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Question
Posted by: sadeyes | 2003/02/25

WHAT TO DO.....UPSET

Hi Doc
On Sunday evening I saw my ex, and him and I agreed that we were better off staying friends. Then the next day his cousin and I were on the phone and he told me my ex was acting all upset and said that I was trying to force him back into a relationship when he has clearly explained that he does not want me - what nonsense!!! - nothing was even said about a "relationship" I was the one who said that I did not want anything more than friendship. I dont know if he is trying to blow up his own ego or if he believes I am running after him. I am hurt, angry and confused that he would lie about me the way he does and apparently this is not the first time that he has spoken about how I "run" after him. I actually feel like cutting all contact with him again, but the last time I did that he was very worried about me not speaking to him (i.e me not calling, not visiting not having any contact what so ever) Yes he was stressing about it - yet he never made an effort to contact me - to me it seems like if and when I make contact it is an ego boost for him, he does not understand that I still concerned about him and he behaves as though I am lusting after him which I swear I am not doing, I only still care about him and his well being, he is making me hate his ways. Hoestly I want to tell him to f&#@! off and go to hell because he is being a pig, when I dont show concern he worries and sulks about me not loving and caring for him, when I do, I am running after him or forcing a relationship, what the hell is his problem? Doc help me, I have been doing so well and this just upsets me to the point that when I think about this I cry. I want to break my ties with him yet I dont want to lose my friendship with his cousin the problem is they share a flat. How do I maintain my friendship with his cousin wihtout ever having to see him again? I am such a stronger person but somehow he seems to be trying to "break" me. PLS HELP any advice would do.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Dear sadeyes,
How to maintain a friendship with his cousin is probably a matter of geography, rather than psychology.
You are still allowing him to be far more important to you than he deserves. Why not cut off contact with him ? Maybe after simply and calmly telling him that you are weary of the times other people tell you that he has been telling them that you're still running after him, when you both know that this is not true. If he can't be bothered to try hard enough to be a true friend to you now, ater the breakup of the relationship, then maybe he needs to be een less than that ; and maybe you can declare a moratorium on contacts with him until ater he has got over this and found some other interest in his life, while leaving you free to get on with more fruitful aspects of your own life.

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2
Our users say:
Posted by: Cool | 2003/02/25

You are right, it is an ego thing and in a way he is playing with your feelings, please dont be sad and try to ignore him and everything he says show that you are upset with him show that you are a strong person, the moment you show weakness he'll be on to you. It is clear that he wants to give everyone the impression that he is THE MAN, HE CALLS THE SHOTS, the hell with that, show him that you are a bigger MAN.

My boyfriend broke up with me and played some guilt trip on me, I was hurt and cried like hell, as it was not the first time. I then decided enough is enough, this girl needs to put on her acting shoes. I oozed with confidence and told him that he got his wish, I think a breakup is a very good idea and is more than happy to leave him alone, I kissed him on his cheak left him standing at the beach, normally I would cry and beg him to take me back, but this time instead, i left I got into my car went to a club, danced with his friend, erotically, knowing that he would know about it. Left after a short while went home, and guess who would be waiting infront of the house, the PIG turned into a piglett for a change begging me and at last crying... Its all about their ego, testing you and making themself feel good.

Reply to Cool
Posted by: bear | 2003/02/25

I hate to say this but ....I TOLD YOU SO ....
My personal opinion
leave him Be , stay away dont make the first move
He is clearly a fool and is out to make you look like one.
Ignore him leave him alone and the tables will turn!

Ps I told you you and I should chat outside this forum "we have alot in common"

Reply to bear

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