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Question
Posted by: nicky | 2005/12/08

What to do when you..

have an enormous crush on a collegue? Been working together for more than a year now but did not like him much in the beginning - he's so nice and decent and i thought it was just an act - but 1 year down the line he's still the same nice, considerate gentlemen...seems too good to be true...i've never seen anything like it..

He's got a girlfriend - they've been together since Primary School (he's in his early 20's)....?...that's why i've kept it a secret...but some days when he has gone out to see her over lunch he comes back and looks so sad....i really feel that there is some kind of a connection between us, but I can't act on it - i really care about him and if there ever was to be something more, i don't want it to start with lies/deception (which he would never allow)..

Its so obvious that he's unhappy...is there maybe a way for things to work out..or should i just wait and see...????????

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

What connection can there possibly be between the two of you, except what you choose to fantasize, based on your crush on him ? He has a gf and chooses to be with her --- don't interfere with that relationship. There are many reasons why he may be unhappy ( if indeed he actually is unhappy ) --- but they're his business, not yours.
I disagree with Peter Pan and others --- Love is NOT knocking at your door --- you are knocking on his. That's significantly different. He is an adult, and responsible for his own life and happinesss. He is free to leave this other girl and find someone else of his choice--- if he chooses to do so. DOn't projct your feelings onto him, and assume that he feels likewise.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: nicky | 2005/12/08

cs - you hit hard, but yes..i suppose the truth hurts...i wasn't gonna say anything anyways..it does not feel right..he's an adult and taking responsibility for his life/hapiness..and so will i..

i got carried away...but thanx for the wake-up call...

Reply to nicky
Posted by: nicky | 2005/12/08

i've put a lot of thought into this - and have weighed up worst case senarios..let say i do tell him, the feeling is mutual and we act on it - how do you deal with parents who were convinced that their son would marry his primary school sweetheart?? I get the feeling that he feels trapped...whenever he talks about her, he never calls her by her name - he says 'my girlfriend' but there's a strange hesitation before he gets the words out...?? She didn't even accompany him to the year-end function..i took a friend of mine with (just got fed up with going to these thing by myself) - he tried to hide his dissapointment, but i saw right through him..

Peter pan - my stomach turned when you mentioned it.....the worst case senario would in fact be if he was to marry her and i never told him how i feel.................

Reply to nicky
Posted by: Peter Pan | 2005/12/08

Nicky

You are both young I assume. Your love for him has developed which means its not infactuation but real. Life belongs to those who take it by the horns. Talk to him Nicky tell him how you feel before its to late and he gets married. When love comes knocking at your door open the door let it in. Let me sound a word of caution you need to be strong emotionally for this, and if you talk to him dont talk to him at work but outside work if possible. I hope you find the love you deserve my girl !

Reply to Peter Pan
Posted by: twink | 2005/12/08

why dont you tell him how you feel?

maybe he has some type of feelings for you too....?

Reply to twink

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