Our expert says:
It sounds as though you hacve seriously tried to solve these problems, with couples counselling and indiviodual counselling --- but it sounds very much as though it is HER who needs the individual counselling --- doesn't she recognize that she needs more serious help to work with her personal issues ?
Your actual question is of course a legal one, and only a good local lawyer could answer it for you. If you can assert, and better yet document the concerns you have about her behaviour especially as it bears on her fitness to have custody, sole or shared, of the kids, the court is supposed to decide on the basis of whatever is best for the children. I don't see how continuing towards getting married would improve your chances of custody, but again, that's a legal question, and a local lawyer experienced in such matters would not only know the law but have some idea of how the magistrates in your area usually handle such cases
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