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Question
Posted by: 'Locked up in the closet' | 2007/05/11

What to do?

Hey all. I would appreciate the opinion of some gay guys regarding my obsession/addiction to gay porn as a newlywed man. I am attracted to my wife, very much so, but there's just something about gay porn that turns me on. For some reason I also enjoy web broadcasting myself. I know I sound gay, but I dont want this for myself. Any advice would be appreciated.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageGay, lesbian and bisexual expert

Hi Locked Up in The Closet, welcome to the forum and thanks for posting here.

First off, it is great that you're able to admit that you have a problem. It could very well be an obsessive-compulsive issue (obsession refers to thought content, compulsion refers to behaviour) or an addiction, including an element of exhibitionism. I strongly suggest that you see a counsellor.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Anon | 2007/05/14

I agree Locked up - see a counsellor. You're being held captive by your own addictions related to sex. Well done for admitting this - cheers fella - but now take further action. Contact an AA or NA group, Triangle Project or a private counsellor if you can afford it.

Reply to Anon
Posted by: Gareth | 2007/05/11

I was in the same place you are, not so much the gay porn and not broadcasting myself, but I was also married when I realised, or no, I think I sorta knew beforehand, but accepted that I am gay. It took over my whole being and it was the most difficult time in my life. My ex-wife was also obviously crushed, which I will never forgive myself for, but for me, being who I really am, was the best decision I ever made.
Now I am not saying that you are gay, but that very strong sexual attraction to gay porn is a good indicator that you probably are, or at the very least bisexual. Now depending on how your relationship with your wife is, Tammy is, as usual right on the money. you could try to involve her somehow in it and make it something exciting that binds you rather than divide you, but truth is, not many women will be secure enough to deal with her hubby and other men. Point is, somehow you will have to deal with this, because, even though you say that you don't want this for yourself, you actually do, otherwise it would have been easy to stop. And the hard fact is that this will never go away, it is as part of your being as your eyecolour is. It might be a good idea for you to seek proffesional help, so that you can get equiped into handling this situation in the best possible way. It is never easy, but mostly it is worth it. It is our hardships in life that makes us grow the most. Best of luck bud

Reply to Gareth
Posted by: Chameleon_boy | 2007/05/11

Hey locked

Please do me a favour babes and read posting 378 - The need, i tell a lot there... please read it before making any harsh or rash decisions

Reply to Chameleon_boy
Posted by: Tammy | 2007/05/11

Sexuality (and gender) aren't binary. What that means is that most people are not 100% gay or straight. Most people are somewhere inbetween.

So you don't need to feel guilty about finding men sexually attractive.

Notwithstanding that, watching porn can be very damaging to a relationship indeed. For a start, everyone is in different "places" sexually. What that means is that it is not likely that your wife is in the same place you are. What watching porn does is that it introduces you to new ideas that your wife might not want to try.

So my advice is see if you can encourage your wife to watch with you. Bring it into your lives and see if you can make it something you both enjoy, rather than something that divides you.

T

Reply to Tammy

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