Posted by: Rachel | 2006/11/14

what to do

my husband is asthmatic and a smoker. He is on a treatment pump which he is supposed to take twice a day but he always forgets (he blames me as I don't give it to him)

Plus he puffs up all day, sleeps with a CPAP machine at night as he has sleep apneoa. Last night he had a bad asthma attack - we took him to ER and they gave him a neb and oxygen which did not help so they took xrays as well.

The thing is -- he KNOWS what smoking is doing to his already existing lung problems! He doesn't take his treatment meds -- how do I get him to catch a wake up?

He has been through this before and said "oh this is his wake up call and he will quit etc --- he quits for 2 weeks and then is back at it. He blames work stress but I think that is lame.

Our little boy was so traumatised and stressed out last night from it all - he puts himself to bed at 6:30 (he is 5) -- he just said "mommy I want to sleep in your bed" - this was at 9 when we got home. He was asleep before his head even hi the pillow.

While I am worried about my husband I am as mad as a snake. Everyone has spoken to him. I've asked him if he wants to walk around like those people on liquid oxygen dragging around those tanks and he just grunts!

HELP ME! (and I wont be able to get him to go for any kind of therapy as he says people dont need that, they are stronger than that --- sez he who smokes)

Please also don't say anything nasty about him in the replies guys, I really came here for support and help from the people and CS that want to help.

I feel as though I am hanging on by a thread!

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

You can help, but it is HIS task to remember to use his treatment --- and there's not a lot of sense in treating asthma if he continues to smoke --- he should join Smokenders, and see a good shrink for advice on CNT counselling and Zyban, to help him to quit. HE really needs to be strongly encouraged to see a good local shrink and the stopping smoking should be a number one priority. As kat says, focus on his need to be aware of the impact on his chid ( who will also be suffering the ill-effects of dad's second-hand smoke ).

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Our users say:
Posted by: kat | 2006/11/14

hey girl i dont know what else you can do, you could tell him to think of his child that could end up growing up without a father and all the emotional manipuation that goes with it but he might end up resenting you more. talk to him calmly about it still tell him you are not his nurse and he must take his meds himself then just pray and leave it there, more than that you cant do.

Reply to kat
Posted by: Rachel | 2006/11/14

He took zyban last year, wound up smoking more on it in the second month, he uses those glass filter things.

i gave up nagging him as I knew he would smoke more just to "show me"

He also quit for three months cold turkey and was so proud of himself -- but then confessed as he knew I knew he had started (helloooo, a non-smoker can smell it plus the day he used my car he left the evidence in there!!!)

Reply to Rachel
Posted by: JH | 2006/11/14

Try Zyban. I tried for years to quit (patches, nicorette gum, hypnotherapy, books, etc.) but to no avail. I wasn't all that keen to try Zyban as I don't really like to take 'medication' but I did...and it worked.

Reply to JH
Posted by: Echelle | 2006/11/14

For a smoker to stop smoking it takes about 10/11 times to finally quit! It's really difficult, trust me.

Get him Zyban!

Reply to Echelle
Posted by: kat | 2006/11/14

ok firstly stop nagging him about stopping smoking..........

now you need to tell him that he is a grown man and you will not let him put the responsibility on your shoulders to make sure he takes his meds. he is an adult and he needs to monitor it himself. if he wants a mother he must move back home to his or find another one if his is no longer around.

then make sure his life insurance is up to date, sorry that sounds low but it is what it is.

then you get filters that you can put on your smokes get him some of those, at least if he continues to smoke it is through a filter. thing is the more you bug him the more he will be adamant he will not stop. maybe he just isnt ready to quit i know that sounds selfish but stoping smoking is a life long commitment and some of us find that far too daunting to even consider. rather encourage him to cut down and give him the filters and let him know you love him regardless. he could be feeling helpless and that he just doesnt have what it takes to quit right now and the more he is nagged about it the more stressing stopping becomes. poeple say oh just stop but unless you have smoked you wont understand how hard it is and even then not everyone battles the same. think about it, smoking is not only a chemical addiction but a habbit addiction aswell. and if people get put into rehab for chemical addictions and still battle, how can you expect him to just quit coz someone told him to. have you considered the possibility that maybe he feels like whats the point of stopping coz the damage is already done. just go easy on him and rather leave the smoking thing for now again he is an adult and will do it in his own time. stop treating him like a child and make him responsible for himself. i know this sounds realy bad considering that he has a child and should be less selfcentered, but you dont know what goes on in his head.

Reply to kat

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