Posted by: Xavier | 2005/07/28

What to do

My Brothers teen daughter asked my wive for a condom, she is only 13yrs old. Should i speak to her parents, as i do not have any children, so i dont have any experience. My wive says we shouldnt mention anything to her parents as it should be a trust relationship. I dont know if i am old schooler or not but it is too young to want condoms education yes but not items or what. What should i do?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageTeen expert

Hi Xavier,

having sex at 13 whilst not completely out of the ordinary is actually illegal. Whoever is having sex with her could be charged with statutory rape regardless of consent - because at 13 the law does not recognise consent. 16 is the age of consent.

If your wife is not wanting to speak to her brother about this then she should consider being honest with his daughter about the legal implications and also that being old enough to have sex means also accepting any consequences - i.e. pregnancy. How will your wife feel if her brother later finds out she knew and didnt tell him?

She is not too young to have sex education, but to actually engage in sexual relationships then this is where the law is clear, but young people's choices are more blurred.

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Our users say:
Posted by: mike | 2005/07/31

Commend ger for seeking protection despite her age as Sara implies, not only teens but people much older do not have the forsight to prepare.

Reply to mike
Posted by: sara | 2005/07/30

i am a teenager and although I think she is too young the fact that she has asked for protection shows maturity. i wud talk 2 her and make sure she i certain about wot she is doin rather than tell her parents.

Reply to sara
Posted by: Xavier | 2005/07/29

Thanks all i am realy concerned as i would not want my brother to find out later if something does happen that we knew. Yes i think i should ask wife to find out more about this and ask her to speak to my niece and find out if she will be comftable speaking to herparents or to us. So we can approach this the right way. Both scenarios is a trust issue so dont want to burn any bridges with anyone.

Thanks to Mike and the Teen Expert

Thanks Mica it is a cool name.


Reply to Xavier
Posted by: Mica | 2005/07/29

I like the name Xavier.

Reply to Mica
Posted by: Mike | 2005/07/28

I might add while I do not condone teens under 16 from having sex the fact is some do. Arguing about wether they should or should not amongst ourselves does not help any already sexually active. Perhaps you can convince her to wait till she's older and let her know she can stop at any time. I agree with teen expert if she's with someone out of her age group 16 & up it is illegal, I'm assuming she's with another 13-14year old boy, that is why finding out his age is important. Encourage her to tell your brother perhaps your wife could go with her to talk to him. However you never know where people are posting from and laws vary so widely on this matter I usually never mention anything about lagalities. Teen expert more than likely knows what part of the world you are posting from. However laws do a poor job of disuading the activities of the young.

Reply to Mike
Posted by: Mike | 2005/07/28

I forgot to mention in your wifes conversation with your niece, see if the age of the young man comes up. It would be time to intervene if an much older teen or likewise was sexually active with a 13 year old. Most ages 16 and up have nothing to do with this age group, so if this could be a problem not to mention someone even older 20's 30's etc. Perhaps she'll feel comfortable letting you meet the subject of her young desires. That way you can get a feel what type of person he is. Do not make her go into the old teen lying and secretive ways by breaking confidence. She'll continue to have sex but without anyone's guidance.

Reply to Mike
Posted by: Mike | 2005/07/28

If she's asking she may already be sexually active. Do not break confidence by telling anyone, she came to your wife as a trusted source. By all means provide the condoms and talk to her about other methods of birth control. Do not preach, just give her facts and if need be help her obtain them. Your wife has become her confidant, it is important she has someone she feels she can trust.

Reply to Mike

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