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Question
Posted by: Pisces | 2003/02/24

What to do?

Hi Doc, last year my boyfriend & I went through a very rough patch & I was convinced that it was over! During that time I met somebody who made me feel very good about my self and we even had sex! The problem is soon afterwards my bf &I reconciled but I cannot stop thinking about this other guy, worse still is that I see him more than I see my bf (he is in my school & we live in the same residence!) and since we have come back he has been ignoring me. This makes me real mad bec we spoke about what we did last year & we agreed to keep our friendship but now he ignores me!!
My problem is that I still have feelings for him and by him pushing me away, he makes me want to get even closer to him(which is impossible bec I'm already involved) Plz help me save my five year old relationship with my boyfriend!!

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Our expert says:
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Dear Pisces,
Maybe it doesn't always feel like it, but you actually are in charge of what you choose to do You have a bf ; you say you are reconciled, and that you want to save the relationship --- so --- go ahead and save it. Spend time with him, and work things out.
So, this other guy is in your school and your residence --- so, I expct are some hundreds of other guys. That doesn't mean that you have to focus on him. You had a brief interlude in which he briefly made you feel good, and then had sex. Now he ignores you. Maybe he got what he wanted. Ignoring you now is not the actions of a loving person who cares about you. And you lose your dignity and your control of the situation, by working so hard to pursue someone who is being uncaring. In the average lifetime, we all encounter a number of people for whom we can feel affection. When one is young, and having one's first few such experiences, it seems amazing, and we take it, perhaps, too seriously. getting to feel emotionally involved with someone is pretty easy. The other necessary skill, worth practising early on, is to learn to recognize when it is over, when it ought to be over, and to Let Go.

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