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Question
Posted by: Paul | 2003/02/21

What to do.

A good and hearty hello to all. Back form holiday and once again facing the trials we all know too well, this time with a little more vigour and alot more appreciation for the things that really matter.

For once I won't be writing about depression or any negative emotions - I need some user input, some advice, something to help me formulate my own plan of action. After a very nasty break up (BTW no more contact with the mean hag - no desire to even : ), I met up with my very first gf - not with the eye on anything else but having someone familiar around after moving back to the BIG GUAVA after nearly 5 years on a little backward mine town. We spent alot of time together, talked alot and I really enjoy her. After about 2 months it was new years and we decided to spend it alone, out of town on a small holding - to get away from noise, fireworks, fights and drunks throwing up on our shoes. Well certain things happened that friends don't normally engage in and when I spoke about it afterwards it came to light that she's not ready to be with someone (attachments) after a nasty break up on her side. I had to accept that and I did, supressing myself. A couple of weeks before I left, it happened again - and again - and to me it is pretty obbvious that there is more involved here than just being friends. So I left on holiday and came back. She made my return incredible, she watched my house while I was away, gave a card, a few gifts, and was really happy to have me back. I never felt so missed in my life in that way.

Now I am wondering what I should do, Whenever we are together there is contact but I feel bitterly unsure of what or whether I should do anything. It's rather stressful to be in such a situation wanting something that might be right there but not being sure if you should. I cant just wait for her to do something, but I don't want to make a fool of myself either.

Any suggestions.

Thanks.

P.S. Tsitsikamma is definately the gateway to heaven.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Welcome back, Paul.
I wonder whether she might not feel similarly unsure of where this ought to go, or is going, but perhaps also enjoying the journey there ?
Those of us who like being somewhat analytical and in charge can come to feel a bit uneasy when things feel good but resist analysis. Sometimes one needs to go with the flow for a while, though watching out for rocks in the water ( to extend the metaphor ! ).

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

2
Our users say:
Posted by: Paul | 2003/02/23

Thanks Nina and CS,

Must say I appreciate the insight, Nina I am certain my motives are nothing short of honourable, CS - perhaps youre right lets go with the flow and steer clear of the rocks.

This weekend has shed a bit of light on this whole excersize and for now it looks like the boats afloat and heading due south. It really is ALL its cracked up to be to be with someone like that. Lets just hope that things stay well.

Thanks to all in this little have on sane perspective.


Reply to Paul
Posted by: nina | 2003/02/21

hi there

welcome back

you have to choices a. risk making a fool of yourselve and you either wll get hurt or find something wonderfull
or you can wait for her to make a move and not do anything but always wonder what could have happened

don't let pride or fear of getting hurt keep you from making a move
but what should keep you from making a move is the fact that you repect her feelings and because she is worth waiting for

for me it all boils down to checking your motives


good luck

nina

Reply to nina

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