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Posted by: Linda | 2007/12/06

What should I do with my so call "friend

I have this friend who usually has a problem when I date guys who don't find it imprtant to take the both of us out or include her in our activities, I'm now in a serious relationship with the man I love she's been throwing her toys lately,warning that i shouldn't consider marrying him because he's not right for me and that if I continue dating him our friendship will be over, i will be wasting my life and many other negative comments, she doesn't even know him but still finds it important to tell me he's not a man i should be dating, she has said this about someone else before but unfortunately it didn't work out, i just want to know what to do with this person because from where i'm standing she doesn't want me to make my own choices and live my own life, how do i get her to back off?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Its important for your friend to develop her own self-confidence and her own friendships, rather than expecting you to drag her along whenever you go on a date. She should see a counsellor to work on her self-esteem problems, and become independent. She's jealous and wanting you to remain exclusively hers, which would be unwholesome for bopth of you. Tell her firmly that she needs to work on her own problems without interfering in your life, and you are not going to subject all of your relationships to her approval.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Nick | 2007/12/06

Maybe i can help you out, pass your friend over.

Reply to Nick
Posted by: o please | 2007/12/06

I think she secretly wants to bang you

Reply to o please
Posted by: Linda | 2007/12/06

I suppose I'll have to speak to her at some point about the issue or maybe I should send an email to prevent a nasty cat fight and hopefully she will understand me this time, I also think it might be a good idea to take some time apart I can even start enjoying being with my man without being called stupid for once.

Jealousy has crossed my mind, i really don't know why she dislikes him so much but then again he's not the first guy she's had a problem with, my man has been nothing but nice to her even when she was hostile towards him, let's just hope she listens and tries not to judge me and at least accept the man I chose for myself

thank you both so much for your advice I really appreciate it

Reply to Linda
Posted by: Maria | 2007/12/06

Of course you have the right to love your man, and get on with your life without your friend meddling. Do you think she could perhaps be jealous?

If you don't want a face to face confrontation, why don't you write her an email or a letter. Explain that her friendship is valuable (if you feel that it is) but that your life and priorities are changing. Ask her if she can accept this and be your friend still. Then the ball is in her court, and you can stop worrying about it. (Easier said than done, I know.)

Reply to Maria
Posted by: Linda | 2007/12/06

Hi Maria and thanks for your response, Yes she is single but i'm not the only friend she has, actually she's got a lot of friends but I feel she isn't willing to let me make my choices, I mean you can see the minute I mention my boyfriend's name or when he comes to pick me up or anything like that she just switches moods but I agree it might be because we don't do a lot of things together anymore which i think was brought up by the fact that i felt she would not be happy being in my boyfriends company and sometimes she wouldn't pitch when invited...the last i heard from her was via an sms she sent saying that she never thought anyone would ever come btw us, I also heard from a mutual friend that the problem is definitely my relationship and she might try and make up if I break up with my boyfriend...I haven't replied to her sms and haven't seen or spoken to her since I want to avoid an ugly confrontation because she feels she's right and i feel i'm right for loving this man so I'm thinking of just saying nothing for now..I have told my boyfriend and he wanted to speak to her but I told him it might make things worse between me and her

Reply to Linda
Posted by: Maria | 2007/12/06

Is your friend single? Does she have few friends? It could be that she is scared of losing you to a guy, and can't handle the thought of living life without the level of friendship that you used to share. This is how it goes... people get involved in relationships, and their existing friendships have to become less intense and time consuming because the relationship is more important. It's a normal pattern, and your friend must accept this. When I fell in love and eventually got married, my best friend and I went through a tough time too, but eventually we found a new level of friendship which includes the fact that I now have a family who must be my first priority. I suggest you sit your friend down and talk to her about this. Ask her how it makes her feel that you are going to get married. Assure her that you would like to stay her friend but you will be spending less time with her. She must find other people and activities to fill her life, and if she cannot change her attitude then you must move on without her.

Good luck.

Reply to Maria

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