Posted by: moi | 2009/03/10

What next?

After years of sucking it up, i told my husband how i' m becoming more outspoken because he bullies me and how he belittles me and disrepects me in front of people and I told him these things not to dominate him, but for us to be equal and i want him to treat me with respect.Then i had to keep quiet and he told me how i made him feel like crap by doing so (i don' t yell i just say i don' t like certain things) he said that the stuff that i need to stand up for myself for is not important, i was open with him and said it' s difficult for me to verbalise to him how i feel, then he just laughed, i said the fact that you' re laughing at me really hurts but he didn' t seem bothered... when he said i must just be like and i asked can i be myself.. he said no i must b someone who deserves love and respect and if myself is the one who sends smses (when i was sick and he dropped me for his friends instead of helping me i sent him an angry sms saying how he has friends now so i hav to b on the side and that really hurt him he said) and if being myself is someone who sends those kind of smses then i musnt b myself. he even said that i' m becoming more selfish and in a way said i' m stupid coz he said what' s wrong with u can' t u wrap it around ur brain that the sms hurt me and u did apologize but it means nothing, u say it so easily...(he gave me silent treatment for more than a week after the sms and made like i didn' t exist) i think he was satisfied with me being set in my place i guess coz wen he came home from leaving with his friend after he told me how he feels he had a smirk on his face and just said are we done arguing now? and went on as if nothing happend. Does it seem like the only way this is going to work is if i dont say anything? or am i being crazy here coz wen he talks it seems like all the stuff i said and how i feel i just made up but i also told him that i' ve seen a few ppl we kno that we havnt seen in a while and i just asked them during the conversation, oh u kno how my husband is not nice with me at times? they all said yes without hesitation... am i crazy, i' m just feeling numb and i' ve stopped fighting. He doesn' t want to go to counselling, he said why should i go. I' m not sure what to do next...

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Our expert says:
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Sounds like as good an argument for urgent mariage counselling as I've head in a long time. Let him know you are going to start seeing a marriage counsellor, and you wouldn't like to be talking about him without him being present, so he's welcome to come with you and take part, or stay behind and wonder what you're talking about

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Our users say:
Posted by: You' re right. | 2009/03/11

You are quite right in standing up for yourself. You are not a second class citizen in your relattionship and shame on your hubby for having such a superior attitude. I can' t stand it when one party does not respect the other. Its supposed to be someone you LOVE so how dare your hubby not respect you. He sounds like a pig, no manners, no upbringing. Tell him that and don' t take any more of his attitude.

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