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Question
Posted by: N@S | 2004/01/06

What must I do about cheating and drugs?

Please can I have some advise bcoz I am going crazy with everything going on.
My boyfriend and I have been together for the past 3 years. We recently had a fight which lasted 3 wees. Ever since then he contacts me very little, he is lying to me. He never used to lie to me until now. I have know him for so long and that is how I pick up that he is lying. He is never home anymore. And he keeps on telling me that he wants to be with me but then acts very coldly towards me. I returned home to him yesterday (he wanted me to come back). He told me that bcoz we are fighting, he has started taking drugs. He takes ecstacy every single day. And when I saw him yesterday, he was so depressed that it looked like he was proof of the walking dead. He said all the fighting drove him to it. Plus on top of it, he kept on getting missed calls and messages on his phone and won't tell me who it is. These calls lasted until 12am. He just kept on ignoring these messages and calls. Then we woke up at 2am and went to the bathroom with his cellphone. In the morning he even went to bath with his cellphone. I begged him to tell me who is calling him and he said that it was his dealer. But surely the dealer won't put himself at risk by phoning him. I have got suspisions that it is not the dealer phoning him but another women. (He has being lying to me saying that he is working meanwhile he is in PTA). I am on the verge of hiring a detective to see if he is cheating and dealing in drugs. I know that what I might find will hurt me, but I can't take his lying and secrets anymore. What should I do?
He says that he wants to be with me so badly but then he says that he does not know what he wants and is confused. Is the drugs making him depressed and making him lie? I am scared that the drugs will make him depressed and then he takes more to get rid of the depression. Please can someone give me some advise becasue I am going insane.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

N@s, he certainly IS lying to you, and seems to be using the tiff between you as an excuse for him to climb into drugs for his personal enjoyment. If fighting makes one feel miserabl,e one should see a counsellor or a shrink, or a priest, or whatever --- one does, if one has any intellignece at all, something positive about it.
One does not start guzzling drugs like Ecstacy, which have never ever in human history HELPED anyone in any sort of problem, and which are just a way of hiding from reality because you're not man enough to face it and deal with it. He is showing that he's a coward and one without common sense, too.
I have heard that some dealers are easier to get a house call from than a GP, but none of them would waste the time and money nor run the increased risk of exposure, to phone so often to any of their clients --- what on earth would make your bf important enopugh to deserve such special attention ?
And NO DRUGS known to manking "make him lie" --- he's doing that entirely on his own.
Isn't it high time to consider losing this loser, and after some time on your own, finding a real man who can cope with life without being pickled on chemicals ?

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2
Our users say:
Posted by: n | 2004/01/08

Firstly ur b/f is an individual and makes choices of his own. He made a choice to do drugs. Ecstacy is addictive and when one is on the drug, it hightens sexual drive and it can put u on an upper or downer depending on the persons mood and company. So that might explain the depression. I know dealers and they dont phone u, u phone them.
Be careful as he may of been unfaithful. There is HIV around and u dont want to be a victim.

Reply to n
Posted by: eve | 2004/01/07

this guy has been taking drugs be4 you two were fighting! he is acting quite strangely... the dealer definitely will not phone a person to sell him drugs. i think he has met a girl who is also into drugs and maybe they are sleeping together. i think you should get out while you can or he will keep blaming you for the drugs which i dont think you are to blame.... run while you can, easier said than done

Reply to eve

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