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Question
Posted by: Broken | 2003/12/13

What must I do......

My girlfriend broke up with me a few months ago, to find something better. We had a long relationship, and now she is back. I still love her, but cant get over the fact that she has slept with someone else. I was her first and we went out for 10 years. It has only been 3 months since the breakup, and now she tells me that things arent the same with this new guy, and that she still loves me and wants me back. She says she doesnt feel whole with this guy. What must I do........I mean, why must I take her back when she felt the need to go look for something better, making me feel like i wasnt good enough. I miss her, but dont know if i could ever see her in the same kind of light again................

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Our expert says:
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Dear Broken,
Let's see what our regulars have to say about this, after the weekend. It sounds as if she doesn't really reliably know WHAT she wants. Your reaction to her thoughtless and unkind departure, and her equally thoughtless and unkind re-appearance, is perfectly reasonable. You need to consider your own feelings and needs, now, more than
hers. You can explain that you have excellent reasons for feeling hesitant to accept her back into any close relationship, because of the way she has behaved in the past, and your concern that she could do the same again in the future. At any rate, don't just take her back as if nothing had happened, but do have a proper discussion with her of these events, your reactions, and your concerns.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Wallace | 2003/12/15

The fact that you were not going out means that whatever she had done is of now concern to you. If it were you, what difference would it make. It is tough because you will think about it. We all make mistakes in life. You may just reconcile and have the happiest future there is. I tend to agree with Paul. Many of the readers here have not even mentioned the sex part. Therefore for many people, it is not an issue.

Never throw happiness away.

Reply to Wallace
Posted by: Sonia | 2003/12/15

If you can forgive and forget. dont throw true love away. If you cannot, move on.

Reply to Sonia
Posted by: Sorry | 2003/12/15

Man,Its gonna take some doing for you to come to terms with the fact that your girl has slept with someone else.What Paul has said about "missing out" is 100% correct!! and just like the doc said,you need to consider your own feelings first before hers.She cant just go in out of your life as and when she pleases.If you still wanna be with her,try to forgive her (if u can) and if you can't,just let her go coz you'l never be happy.All you going to have are the videotapes(in your head) of her having sex with the other guy and believe me that is hell.By the way,I'm talking from experience. GUDLUCK

Reply to Sorry
Posted by: Paul | 2003/12/15

Sometimes when a couple get involved from a young age or even for a long time, one or the other party may feel that they are "missing out" on life and thus the urge to find something else awakes. She had that, she left she tried and she realised what she wants and it was you. If you love someone let them go, if they come back.... don't be daft, take her back and make her understand that you understand why what happened, happened.

Good luck!

Reply to Paul
Posted by: Mona | 2003/12/15

Tuff one!! 3 Months is a long time for her to relize she misses you.... 2 or 3 weeks, ja, but 3 months?? Maybe her relationship with this other guy has gone sour, and now she needs you as emotional backup, just till the next guy comes along that she wants to try out for 3 months!!
Your wounds are just starting to heal, and now she is scratching it all open again... Just be carefull, i only have your best interest at heart....
Make sure she is being honest and real about this, before you open your heart to her again.
Go on a couple of dates again for a couple of weeks before you become "close" again!!

Reply to Mona
Posted by: Ayanami | 2003/12/14

I think that what the doc said is correct. If you truly love her and she loves you then things can work out just fine, give her time and tell her to tell you everything in detail so you can see what has made her mind change. That way you can help her to know herself better so she won't make mistakes again.

Reply to Ayanami

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