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Question
Posted by: N. | 2006/10/30

what makes a person cheat

hubby and i are apart for the past 2 months due to work commitments. We do see each other every weekend. This weekend i was going through his phone and read a sms from a lady saying something like ...her husband is not attracted to her.... she understands my hubby's situation and respects his decision... and if he wants he can erase her details of his phone... I unfortunatley don't remember the whole sms coz i was so upset and started to rant and rave. He refused to let me go out on my own after that and wanted to talk. But his talking is that he has never seen this women. He his a sales rep, She is one of their customers and that is how she got his number.

Hubby insists that there is nothing going on and he never responded to any of the sms. I wish that I had the sense to take down her number before asking hubby about it.

He tells me I am blowing the whole thing out of proportion 'coz i told he that its over between us and that i'm never going to trust him again.

He insists that we must not end things over such a simple thing.

If what he says is true my question is why do people break up other people. In the 3 years that we are married my hubby has never once took of his wedding ring and as far as i know everyone that he deals with knows that he is married and has a daughter whom is very proud off.

He has her photograph on his car keys and from what he has told me he shows it off to everyone.

Is it so simple to have an affair.
Just because your husband does not find you attractive.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Purple | 2006/10/31

I think people cheat because they can feel taken for granted and someone else comes along and flatters them and if theres a low risk of getting caught - they go for it.
I'm not condoning it, just giving my thoughts.
Other people though are serial cheaters - I think they have self esteem problems and try to feel loved with sex.

Its understandable that you are upset, but why not give your husband the benefit of the doubt. You can't go around feeling suspicious the whole time, you've got to just live your life and if strong evidence presents itself, then you can discuss it with your husband.

Personally, I don't go through my husbands sms's, call lists or emails.

I don't want him to cheat on me, but if he does, I'd actually rather not know. If the evidence lands in my lap, I'll deal with it, but if some meddling "friend" had to tell me, I don't think I'd be too happy. Whose to know though, if my husband has ever cheated, I don't know about it.

I do my best to make him feel good about himself - to feel wanted and needed in our family. I'm a very independent person, but if he wants to fuss and drive me somewhere because he thinks its dangerous - I let him feel like a protector. Everyone needs to feel needed. He does the same for me - he asks me for advice on things that I know he could search out for himself, but because he knows how I love to share knowledge, he will always ask for my opinion.

Reply to Purple
Posted by: Momof3 | 2006/10/30

Hi N Various things could come into play here.It does not mean-that they go out of there way to cheat.As she said her husband does not give her attention anymore as he does not find her attractive anymore.there she is looking for it from somebody else.For that reason the husband might not have intercourse with her ,therefore again she could be looking for that as well.She could just be trying to talk to somebody and as he already knows her, she might have found it easier to talk to him.he might have said no to advances or sex laid on or something and she said I respect your decision.

It is always better to sit down with your partner and try and sort it out.Now what you have done buy moving out for 2 months is put him in a vulnerably position and he might just take the opportunity seeing that you have not been around and mostly likely wont go back.try and resolve the issues and if you cant then move out and get divorced.

Try and sit down calmy now and talk to him and go to counselling if it already has not gone too far.

Reply to Momof3
Posted by: SR | 2006/10/30

Kat = You have a point but I'd like to add something. When cell phone numbers are exchanged one must ask yourself the question, "what are they busy sms'g personal messages to one another?" I'd like to be as positive as you but I'm a sceptic when it comes to cheating. I say if you can think it it's possible. N if you want you can email me at srct_srctATyahooDOTcom and I'll email you a manual on "How to catch your cheating lover - volume one" The upside of this whole story is that he may be doing the honerable thing by discouraging the woman, he however could be telling you only the tip of the ice berg.

Reply to SR
Posted by: kat | 2006/10/30

the simple fact that he has told you he isnt cheating and the fact that she said she respects his decition says he isnt cheating. if she came onto him he told her to back off. dont let this destroy what sounds like a posibly strong marrage. there are a lot of reasons why people cheat. if you look in the articles section on health 24 CS has written full articles on why people do it and what are the warning signs.

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