Posted by: nn | 2008/06/18

What is wrong with him?

My bf and I have been going through a “sexual slump”. We have been together for a year now and the past 10 months has been like a dry dessert. We barely make love. When we do it is once a week and that is on the weekend. No foreplay no experimenting. NOTHING! I try and initiate it but he comes up with excuses – your hands are cold I don’t like that I am watching tv, etc. So I have just given up. I have found it difficult to talk to him about it as it is a touchy subject. So last week Friday I spoke to him about it and his excuse was that we both go to bed and wake up at different times. And then he says we are too busy on the weekends (which is a load of rubbish). I was so annoyed that I left it at that. Then this weekend – no love making. Anyway so I tried to approach him again last night. I asked him “does it not bother you that we never make love?” his response was “does it not bother you that we cannot communicate properly?”. I was shocked. I asked him if he is no longer sexually attracted to me or does he not enjoy $ex with me or maybe he is getting it elsewhere. And then he turned around and said that I am actually the one who is not sexually attracted to him and I am probably getting it somewhere else. And then he just kept on going on that we do not communicate. If we do not communicate then why am I talking to him about this problem. He says communicating is far more important than our $ex life. And then he said he is fine with once a week. I am at wits end now as I cannot talk to him without him getting defensive or changing the subject. I love this guy so much and we plan to get married one day. But I cannot be with someone like this. You have no idea how I feel because he does not want ot make love to me. And talking about it gets us nowhere. I am a good gf, I treat him well, I am good looking so I do not know why he is being like this.

Not what you were looking for? Try searching again, or ask your own question
Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink


The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: Zexeon | 2008/06/18

What would it take from you to communicate with him and afterwards have great sex?

Reply to Zexeon
Posted by: nn | 2008/06/18

The thing is that we communicate all the time and this was a problem we spoke about last week and said we will fix it. So obviuosly he is using this an excuse to get away from the real issue at hand. I really do not know why he is being like this and he is hiding something.This frustrates me and also hurts me. It makes me feel ugly and unwanted. i do not know what to do anymore. he turns every issue into something else and blames me for it. i want to cry, scream......

Reply to nn
Posted by: HELLO | 2008/06/18

once a week is normal, my husband won't initiate or respond when i initiate AND THIS guy is in his early 30's - we haven't had sex all year!
i'd kill for normalcy. but i've finally found i can't be attracted to a man who rejects me.
your problem isn't a major one, i think he sounds like a great guy - he wants to communicate better, awesome

Reply to HELLO
Posted by: Yo yo | 2008/06/18

Well girl, what else can i say? I'm in the same situation, my fiance (Quoting) "is too tired and stressed to make love to me", i'm even thinking of cancelling the wedding, coz there is no way i'm going to stay with a person who doesn't satisfy me...We both love sex, but these days i''m the only one (it's obvious that he is getting it elsewhere) The thing here is I love him too much, i also have the looks, i'm educated, i'm the mother of his child, i really dont know what to do...

Reply to Yo yo
Posted by: John | 2008/06/18

nn, you are justifiably concerned about the frequency - or, more correctly, the compatibility - of your sexual encounters with you BF. After the initial novelty when you first met, he seems to have settled down into a once a week pattern (nothing wrong with that) whereas you are interested in the initial frequency (and nothing wrong with that either). I would advise counselling before you get married: his insistence that you are not communicating while you say not conjugating is a serious problem - you are both right about different things.

Reply to John
Posted by: Moa | 2008/06/18

Ladies, I guess your man are between 38 and 45, jeezzz most men (not all) are so NOT into Sex during that age. Or else they have a lot of explaning to do. I know that cos im in the same boat and even my previous one.
the sad part is we women between the age 30 to 40 that is where we cant get enough of it and even dream/fantasize about it while potential guys are off.

Reply to Moa
Posted by: Ja | 2008/06/18

You stole my story didn't you? I thought it was the women not wanting it!

Reply to Ja
Posted by: Jevas | 2008/06/18

Eish...wish I had a lady like you that's always in da mood or at least more than once a week.I have a similar problem except that Im the male here. I sleep next to my girl every nite, but she will never initiate sex. I try to touch her every nite but she is either too busy or too tired or just not in the mood. So Im lucky to get by on a blow job at least once or twice a week.If we have sex, than its just a "am bam thank you sir" kind of thing, no touching no kissing.I've asked myself if my breathe stinks, if I don't wash properly everyday, but came to the conclusion that its her with the problem and not me. So ya Im giving her two more months and then Im gone for better sex elsewhere....We not married so ya I m leaving....

Reply to Jevas
Posted by: Amanda | 2008/06/18

Sounds like I posted this! I am in same boat. I think some men are just satisfied with "once in a blue moon". At least you know that you are a healthy, attractive young woman! dont ever change!!!!

Reply to Amanda

Have your say

Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.
Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.