Posted by: Rain | 2009/06/17

What is love?

A quick background: I was married to an emtionally abusive man. With the help of friends and family I got out of the marriage. I have since then met a wonderful man, but there was basically no time between my divorce and the new relationship.

The guy I'  m with now is a wonderful man. A real gentleman, understands, listens, helps around the house, helps where ever he can. We both love horses (which I thought it'  s hard to find a man who loves horses), we both love dancing, we both have a lot of similar interests... a lot of which I had to give up while I was married.

But it still feels as though he feels more for me than I for him. He says that he thinks I'  m the one... the only girl for him and he wants to spend the rest of his life with me. We'  ve been in a relationship now for almost 1 year and 6 months and we'  ve been living together for 8 months.

I do love him and there'  s all these great aspects of him... but I'  m still so unsure of if he is the only man for me. The one I want to spend the rest of my life with. Is there something wrong with me? How do you really know if it'  s meant to be or not?

I'  m just very much confused about how one really knows when a man is THE man. What does real love feel like?

I'  m not sure I know. I used to think so, but it didn'  t turn out too great for me, so now I don'  t trust my own feelings at all.

Oh, I' m 27 and my boyfriend is 23. So there' s quite a big age gap... the wrong way around from the norm. This obviously also plays a factor in me wondering if it'  s meant to be. He'  s very mature for his age and most of the time we'  re on the same level. But I have more working experience and earn more than double what he earns. He is currently furthering his studies, but for him to get close to me, career wise, it is going to take another 5 to 7 years.

So I guess there are a lot of factors that add to my confusion. But the main one is that I don'  t know what love really feels like anymore.

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Our expert says:
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Rushing into any new relationship so soon after an unpleasant break-up can be risky --- why not take your time about i, and get to know each other better ? Why not see ar elatonship counsellor together, to make sure you are both on the same page as regards the relationship, and so as o be better able to make wise decisions about it.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: BI | 2009/06/17

Well I didn' t know what love was either.
Also divorced, got through it ok. I accepted really quickly that it was over and I moved on.
THEN I met a great guy and I also didn' t know... but then we had a fight and broke up.
I almost collapsed! I was so disorientated and unhappy and lost... I' d never felt like that before. Imagining my life without him was torture. maybe this was love, I would miss him so much if he had to go away.
Fortunately we' re back on track so it' s ok now.
I' m not saying that is love, but imagine if he wasn' t a part of your life - how would you feel? Would you miss him?
Hope this helps a bit.

Reply to BI
Posted by: Rain | 2009/06/17

We have been seeing a relationship counsellor at our church. My boyfriend and I have been in this relationship now for a year and a half. I had the break-up with my ex husband 2 years ago. I know it was risky to get into such a serious relationship so quick after my divorce, but I really needed him then. If it wasn' t for him, I' m not sure I would still be here today.

The problem that I have is trying to identify what love should really feel like. How do you know when what you feel is love and when you' re just in a comfort zone?

Reply to Rain

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