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Question
Posted by: "T" | 2007/06/01

what is happenning

i am in a relationship with a man that i simply adore very much and we have been seeing each other for 18 months however there is simply one problem we fight like hell and i can see this is getting too much and it will tear us apart.

i feel that we are both very strong individuals.he is vocal and so am i so we tend to lock heads.

my worry factor is that he has voiced out how these fights are going to break us up as happiness is much more important to him.

We fight/ argue way too much and it turns a really good situation into something really horrible.

what do i do in this situation??do i keep quiet and not speak my mind out or just give up and let him go .

we love each other to bits however i feel that we've had too much fights and its ruining us and our bond.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Marriage / relationship counselling could help a lot, to swap fighting for creative conflict --- there are ways to "fight" usefully and productively, rather than the sterile repeat sqaubbles that get nowhere at best or end relationships at worst. It's not about you ( or he ) deferring or giving up.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: "T" | 2007/06/01

Hey girls

Thank you !!thank you!!its nice to hear opinions from nuetral parties.I will try not have an answer or everything,i will try not to protect my territory all the time we have a tiff,sometimes i feel a need to protect myself/defensive even if it is not necessary.

I know that i am as stubborn as they come and that sometimes blinds me from seeing a bigger picture.

i am not saying that i am responsible for all fight but im partially responsible therefore without me contributing could have avoided.

Neway thanks again for the 411

Reply to "T"
Posted by: tash | 2007/06/01

I think you need to decide what is more important to you, being right and winning an arguement or being happy with the man you love. You also need to understand that man have a different love language from woman. Whilst women need to be cared for and pampered to feel loved, men need to be honoured to feel loved. Your man probarbly doesnt feel that you are honouring him when you scream right back during an argument. Try to let him sream it out and then when he is calm and feels like the winner, snuggle up close to him and try to explain how you feel and how you dont want to fight but you want him to understand you more. This way you will both always win.

Reply to tash
Posted by: LOL | 2007/06/01

Thank you for your valuale input Loli.. hope the wood is still stuck in your mouth.

Reply to LOL
Posted by: Loli | 2007/06/01

To add on,one lady was given muthi to put in the mouth when they start arguing.
that really helps and resulted in no more fights and yelling at each other.
after a while she visited her inyanga again to tell her about how wonderful the muti was.only to find out it was just a piece of wood so maybe you should learn to keep quite sometimes.let him yell ,fight alone.

Reply to Loli
Posted by: LOL | 2007/06/01

A very wise woman once told me ... when you disagree with a man and it leads to an argument. The best way to make him understand how you feel is to start every sentence with "I feel like... " instead of the usual " you did this..." somehow men tend to be more receptive with the "I feel approach" instead of the "you did and you said" approach men see it as accusing, hence they go on the defence. And nobody gets a word in edge wise.

Level with him and tell him how you feel and not what he does wrong.

It worked for me. Just a suggestion.

Reply to LOL

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