Posted by: Nicky | 2008/06/04


Hi, i'm a 25 yr old black female. i'm blessed with a family of 1 parent(mom), a younger sista, 2 older sistas and a brother. I and my sistas are faced with quiet a difficult situation. My mom raised us a single parent up until we were older and able to find our way in life, she managed to get us 2 study and be where we are. unfortunately she has always had very bad relationships ever since she and my dad broke up abt 10 yrs ago, she's dated married man, in front of us and every time she finds sum1 she brings this person so obviously close 2 us that even thought we hate some of these relationships we are forced to live with it. i've always prayed for her because she has a very bad health and needs to be happy and as i young women myself i understand how she needs a partner in her life. So i've prayed for God to bring her happiness. She is now involved with a guy as young as my sista's age, she is not even hiding it anymo, people are talking in my community, she used to be a well respected adult and now even my cousins and whole family totally disrespect her and she seems to care less. This guy is dating other gals younger than me now and i dnt think she knows that, she has lost a lot of weight and it seems like she cares abt nothig bt this guy. it makes me soooo sad and dont know what to do. i thought of writting her a long letter and telling her how difficult things r 4 us(i'm far from home), but i'm scared it will affect her health or that she will feel like more of s shame to us, and i dont want that. what can we do, its so hard 2 jst ignore this and i know this is not her, she is a person of humble nature and unfortunately she is the less fortunate one of all her sistas and brothers, therefore she gets less respect and this is not helping either. Please advice on how to handle this matter.

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Our expert says:
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Lets see what other readers think. Maybe her ill-health makes her feel anxious about being alone, and thus prey to unsuitable men, for fear of not having a potentially supportive man in her life at all ? It does sound as though these partners, eg maried men, are unsuitable, unlikely to give her any real happiness, and provoking scandal and unpleasant comment in her community ? A sincere and kind letter of concern shouldn't damage her health. Emphasize, not the idea of feeling ashamed of her, but worrying that while you want her to find a happy relationship, you're concerned that she is accepting men who will noit provide that, and by damaging her status in the community, perhaps making it harder for her to meet the right sort of man who could help to make her happy ?
Maybe she's looking in the wrong places for companionship. Maybe in the church or other community groups, she'd find both woman friends, and perhaps meet more suitable men ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: almost mad | 2008/06/05

i have an aunt like that. she is/has put her kids through the same thing. its very sad. she cant do without a man. she gets very lonely and depressed. therapy is the answer!

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