Posted by: needing advice from mothers | 2008/06/03


Hi, i'm a 25 yr old black female. i'm blessed with a family of 1 parent(mom), a younger sista, 2 older sistas and a brother. I and my sistas are faced with quiet a difficult situation. My mom raised us a single parent up until we were older and able to find our way in life, she managed to get us 2 study and be where we are. unfortunately she has always had very bad relationships ever since she and my dad broke up abt 10 yrs ago, she's dated married man, in front of us and every time she finds sum1 she brings this person so obviously close 2 us that even thought we hate some of these relationships we are forced to live with it. i've always prayed for her because she has a very bad health and needs to be happy and as i young women myself i understand how she needs a partner in her life. So i've prayed for God to bring her happiness. She is now involved with a guy as young as my sista's age, she is not even hiding it anymo, people are talking in my community, she used to be a well respected adult and now even my cousins and whole family totally disrespect her and she seems to care less. This guy is dating other gals younger than me now and i dnt think she knows that, she has lost a lot of weight and it seems like she cares abt nothig bt this guy. it makes me soooo sad and dont know what to do. i thought of writting her a long letter and telling her how difficult things r 4 us(i'm far from home), but i'm scared it will affect her health or that she will feel like more of s shame to us, and i dont want that. what can we do, its so hard 2 jst ignore this and i know this is not her, she is a person of humble nature and unfortunately she is the less fortunate one of all her sistas and brothers, therefore she gets less respect and this is not helping either. Please advice on how to handle this matter.

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I think your idea to write a letter may be a good one, but making sure that within it you make clear that it comes out of concern rather than wanting to tell your mother what to do. Your Mom may also feel that now that she has raised her children that she wants to have a relationship of her own, but as you say her choice of partner is causing some controversy within your family. You may also think about talking to some older people in the family who are sympathetic towards your mother who may also advise you as they will know your Mom well and what she may best respond to.

In your letter try to find a way to let her know you are concerned and care for her without it coming across as you being angry or judgemental, but rather you are worried for her.

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