Posted by: Zee | 2008/06/30

What game is he playing at?

At the beginning of the year my ex-boyfriend put me and our child out of his house so that his new girlfriend could move in. This hurt me but I held my head up and showed him that he was not going to bring me down. I had a lot of anger toward him but eventually we discussed the issue of our child and we decided that we will be adults about the situation and that he could see our child at anytime and all he needed to do was call before hand, in case I had someone over, This was okay initially until he would visit her for 2 days and disappear for 3 weeks, she would then end up calling for her dad. When I called / sms'ed he was always busy. I put a stop to his visitation because I told him that he was playing with her feelings. At one stage he had his girlfriend sms'ing me to stop calling regarding "the child" as she calls my daughter. Whilst this was happening my daughter was still seeing his parents because they were not involved in the whole breakup. He didnt see her from the 20/04/2008 until the end of May (his choice). On the 30th May i was hijacked at gunpoint and my car was taken, This happened at 8 in the morning whilst I was dropping my daughter off at school. I called his mom to tell her what had happened and he turned up at my daughters daycare. Suddenly he became this nice person and this was the first time that he saw his daughter since the 20 April and the last time. On the 2/06 I was sitting at his mom's house and here he waltzes in with the women that broke up our home. And they sit down as if nothing happened. I walked out and asked to talk to him outside, we got into a screaming match because I asked him to be at the hospital on the Tuesday for our childs op. He then pushed me and told me to leave him alone and took the girlfriend who also proceeded to push me and left his moms house. His mom then told me that I must take my child and leave her house and never come. I didnt contact any of his family or him since then and told him if he came near me or my daughter I would get a restraining order against him. On Friday morning he walks into my house and tells me that he misses his daughter and wants to see her and that he wants to start paying maintenance (He hasnt contributed since her birth which is 2 years). After everything he did I just took it with a pinch of salt. i told him thati would think about it. On Saturday and Sunday he called but I didnt answer his calls.Last night I sms'ed him to tell him that I was at the emergency room with our daughter because she was ill. He sms'ed back saying that he was on his way,more than 1 hour passed and he didnt turn up. Then I sms'ed saying he should just leave it as I was on my home. He replied saying that I should meet him at theBP Garage. This really upset me as the BP Garage is right next to where Iive. My baby is sick and he expects me to meet him at the garage at night. I told him very crudely that she was not conceived at the garage and he didnt meet me there. If he didnt have the decency to come see her at my house he should just away. He has been playing this games for a while. Stays away for 3 weeks or a month at a time and suddenly wants to make an appearance. I told him that he was emotionally abusing her and if he wanted to see her again its best to consult an attorney. My daughter asks about her father regurlarly as she cannot seem to forget him. I'm coloured and he is Zulu and its unfortunate that he is proving the rumours true, that Zulu men will always mess around. And its sad because at one stage when I loved him he was a good man, I just dont know what he is playing at? What should I do?

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Our expert says:
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Why have you not been to the Maintenance COurt for him to be COMPELLED to pay proper maintenance for his child ? Deadbeat dads should never be encouraged to ignore their responsibilities.
ON visitation, better have this laid down by the court, and emphasize that this is for the benefit of the CHILD, not for him, and must be regular, and not only when he feels like it, otherwise disappointing the child. Have it laid down officially, rather than letting this childish and selfish man do as he pleases. Fortunately, "Zulu men" as such are not like that, nor are any other men. SOme men are like that, and need to controls a court can help to bring to the situation

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: yada786 | 2008/07/01

To be honest with you i think that you should cut him out and when she is older let her make the desicion of whether she wants him part of her life or not .......what he is doing to her is not fair....It's not enough you are separated from her dad and then he still has the audacity of walking in and out of her life as if it's nothing .....If you regard yourself as a GOOD MOTHER then adopt the attitude of not wanting him neither he's family close to her,cause what good have they done for her since he kicked u out ...NOTHING ....

Reply to yada786
Posted by: Londi | 2008/06/30

Please stop contacting him because you'll end up humiliating yourself take care of ur child and yourself. I was in a situation like that and he used to tell me that I want him back and yet we have a son, I took him to court and he is maintaining his son and now I don't let him see his son. And I suppose its difficult for him cause he is paying but when he wasn't paying he did'nt care I told him to go to court for him to see him cause I also went to court for him to pay.
I am at peace with myself I have moved on and happy, so please stop calling him I know we do it for the sake of our kids but she is still young and she can live without him, just stop talking about him and don't mention his name to your child, ou will get through this women always do but please stop talking to him, even if things are difficult he won't help you anyway write him off.

And no not all zulu men are like that

Reply to Londi
Posted by: amana | 2008/06/30

if he is emotionally abusing your daughter you would do good in keeping her away from him.

Reply to amana

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