Posted by: nickie | 2008/10/10

what do you think

Guys I need your advise pls not your judgements.
My husband and I had been togethe for more that three years and although this is great it hasnt been easy. I found out three days before we got married that he was chatting and flirting with his ex and was even planning to get together with her that weekend. We got married and things were going OK until just s few weeks into the marriage this new lady started calling him and they became " friends"  and it got to a point where they had an affair. I found out about it and wanted to divorce him but we managed to save the marriage and even went for counselling and he promised he has stopped. I fell pregnant and in my first trimester we had a lot of fights and one day I decided to go visit my mom just to take things off my mind. That weekend he came to fetch me proffesing his undying love for me and that night I found out that he was in talks with that " new lady"  . I was furious and began to pack my bags but then again he apologised and I thot about myself and the baby. Thing is these days he is chatting to different ladies on face book and has now gone on NIMBUZZ (what ever the hell that is) he gets phone calls from girls and he is just so secretive. He spends most of the time on his phone till about midnight almost everyday. This is taking it' s toll on me and the baby that I was thinking about when I took him back for the second time is just sensing his and this is not worth it. He is a good man i dont want to paint him black. He loves me (or maybe that' s where I am wrong) I know but he just keeps going on and on as though he was still single. He says he has never had sexual contact with any of these ladies but I just dont believe it and i guess it dont matter now cos he cheated on me whether they had sexual contact or not. What do i do in a situation like this?

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Our expert says:
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If it seems really easy, this usually means you're missing something. Sounds like more marriage counselling is needed, as he doesn't seem to be taking this relationship seriously enough. He's not such a good man, to waste so much time flirting with others. Even without any sexual contact with the others, it's still selfish and unkind

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Our users say:
Posted by: Coenel | 2008/10/12

Do you want to wait till there is 2 or 3 kids before you leave him???? In all this time he has not stopped not even when he knows he' s goiing to be a daddy. Just remember one thing the most important now is your child and if there is goiing to be more the more difficult it will be financially to cope. And you do not want to marry just because of finance, because a mon will do that if she cannot supply for her kids. Think of where are you goiing to be in 2 years or 5 or even 10.......

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Posted by: SR | 2008/10/10

Nickie = how long were you two together before you got married?

Does it make sense that he could have been cheating on you way before you guys got married?

A man does not start having affairs or flirting out of nowhere ... the seed is planted long before the deed happens. When a woman finds out about the symptoms of cheating its already a fair way down the road

I' m sorry but he does not love you because his actions speak louder than his words. Its one of the most easiest things for a man to say " But I love you"  .... he is not lying .... he thinks in his mind that he really loves you because the other woman is just sex, even if he shares sweet messages with them .... so when you weigh it up does it amount to love?

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