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Question
Posted by: Louise | 2004/10/04

What do you think?

I met this guy through a friend of mine and we have been seeing each other now for almost 3 weeks. I see him like every second day. We are very open and honest about things. He doesn't like to talk about his previous relationships he has had. Says it is in the past. I agree with him. All i know from what he has told me is that he has built a wall around him and is hoping that i will be the one to break it down. I don't see him everyday as we agreed that it is good to have a bit of space in order to have or develop a healthy relationship. We phone, email and sms everyday. Says he really likes me or he wouldn't be with me.He told me he doesn't want to jump into a relationship and already after 2 weeks we are telling each other that "i love you". He would like to get to know me properly as well as be friends for each other. The best relationships are based on being friends as well as lovers he says. I spent the whole morning, afternoon and evening with him. We both enjoyed it! What do you guys think about the space thing as well as the friends bit? Heard that song on the radio this morning, "You can't hurry love you just have to wait". I can be so impatient when it comes to love. I really like this guy and don't want to ruin things.

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Our users say:
Posted by: lulu | 2004/10/04

Space and time and patience are all good things to ensure a solid foundation for a strong relationship...

If you're so open and honest, why don't you tell him about your concerns? He is definitly not open and honest if he "doesn't like" talking about past relationships. Who does?? Unfortunately, without you knowing about these relationships, he'll always have secrets, won't he? Maybe it's a little early for him to bear his soul, but you HAVE TO KNOW before you sleep with this guy. Or you have to insist on going for an HIV test together.

Personally I would be worried when someone (after only two weeks!!) tells me "I love you, but we have to be friends first." I also love all my friends, and the neighbour and the old guy I buy my newspaper from every day and the dog and and and and. I don't go around telling them that all the time though. "I love you" is a deeply emotional thread in a relationship. It's used waaayyyy too easily, I believe.

My opinion: This guy is leading you on, but keeps a back door open for himself in case he changes his mind about a relationship with you.

Good luck and I hope everything works out well for you.

Reply to lulu
Posted by: Chelle | 2004/10/04

Seeing each other every second day isn't bad at all especially in such a new relationship. Depends on his other behaviours before we can say what he means by being friends first and needing space.
As far as I can see he is telling you up front that he likes you and enjoys spending time with you, but is not about to make a full commitment to you anytime soon. He might do that once he gets to know you better and he the walls start to come down.
You can't hurry love - true love is patient though - so give him enough space and let things develop naturally. Don't try and force things.

Reply to Chelle

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