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Posted by: Had Enough | 2005/12/13

What do you guys think? Please help me :-( I have been sad for too long.....

My mother-in-law and I have been having issues for the past year and in the beginning, I used to fight with huby to stand up for me, but he never did. I then decided I am going to fight my own battles and have been doing that and respectfully so. I have been going for counselling in order to accept that he is not standing up for me and to be able to be respectful and honest in my figths with her.

We recently had a major one with her where she accused me of gossiping about her and when I approached her to find out what her issues were with me, she told me she did not want to speak to me and it ended up with me taking my things and vowing never to return to her place anymore. Hubby was not around during this one, he was out of town and his mom told me that she did not care whether I come visit or not. Now hubby is back, had a chat with mom and now his mom says I am disrespectful when I talk to her and that cuts no ice with me. I have looked at the issue and now I am struggling to get past my anger with hubby. I feel if he stood up for me from the beginning, I would have never had to fight it out myself and as much as he says he understands,I think he does not.

I told him I am thru with trying to make things work b'twin his mom and I and I want a fresh start and need to give other relationships attention, only now does he stand up and want to sort thinsg out. I am thru with crying myself to sleep and do not have the energy to battle it out with her anymore, but he says I should give her a chance.

People, please help me, am I justified to let to relatioship go? I am tired of trying to make it work for everyboby else, my kids and hubby. I end up getting hurt and being sad. I am in tears as I write this. I am sooooo angry towards hubby, please help me :-(

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

You owe no respect whatever to a bitter old woman who shows no respect for you. Someone who expects to be respected, must be respectable. Of course you are justified in abandoning any attempt to relate to her while she behaves in this way --- she is unnecessary to your life --- don't allow her to feel so important to you, and don't give her the power to hurt you

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Blue Eyes | 2005/12/13

I'm glad you took a stand against this woman. If your relationship with your mother in law has to be rebuild, it MUST COME FROM HER. You have tried, it's up to her now to fix what she has done wrong. Leave this to your husband and her to sort out, I think you have done more than your share to make it work.

Reply to Blue Eyes
Posted by: chantelle | 2005/12/13

Had Enough
I feel very hurt for you Gal, I'm in exactly the same situation , what you must know hubbies really do not stand up for us when the is issues between the wife and their moms, It takes them time to realise that they need to stand up for their wives, as you said enough is enough stand up for your self Gal, I did exactly the same cause even if you try and make hubby to understand your pain they do not understand, they will think you disrespect the mother off which is the other way round, my advice to you do not let it affect your relationship with your hubby because you are making her to get her ways, love your hubby more than before, MIL's are not really happy when the is another women in the son life. Just pray and ask God to make you forget about her and pretend as if she does not exist in this world it would work for you, it did work for me, I 'm staying with her in my house I do what I want they way I want it, and I make sure that I'm more than the word happy with my hubby and the kids, that makes her sick but I do not care cause I did not marry her I marry her son and she did not choose me for her son,

Good luck Gal and do not forget to pray it will come right one day...

Reply to chantelle
Posted by: lulu | 2005/12/13

I agree. If he leaves you to "fight your own battles" with his mother, you have every right to have the kind of relationship with her that you feel comfortable with, regardless of where that leaves him. He should stand by you...

Reply to lulu
Posted by: Had Enough | 2005/12/13

Thanks Casey. It really helps to know that I am not being unreasonable by asking him to accept that I cannot take anymore insults, rude and mean comments from her. I have trully Had Enough

Reply to Had Enough
Posted by: Casey | 2005/12/13

If you have justified yourself in letting this relationship go, then do it. Afterall you married her son and not your mother-in-law. I think your husband should have stood up for you from the beginning, and set a precedent with his mother, whether you were in the right or not, as his wife and the mother of his children you should come first in his life regardless. Put your foot down and say enough IS enough I have put the effort in from my side and I am getting nothing in return, tell him you are backing off and if his mother wants you as a part of HER life let let her make the effort, coz there is no more from your side. I wish you luck coz this is a difficult situation, but once again, stand your ground you have done ENOUGH, honestly.

Reply to Casey

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