Our expert says:
I'm sure our other readers should have some useful comments here. You have been giving your mother far too much power, allowing her to live out her fantasies through your life, which is never fair. It'd be a great world if good manners were more widespread and appreciated, but it isn't. And there's a fine line, sometimes, between being refined, and being a SNOB. wonder whether you perhaps need and deserve some counselling, to gain your independence and become capable of forming your own mature, adult, relationship, rather than doing automatically what Mom wants. You would probably not be happy with mom's choice of spouse.
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