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Question
Posted by: Nick name | 2008/07/18

What do I do or say

I am a regular on the hiv forum. I need advice. My bf and I recently broke up (he dumped me) because I tested positive. He tried for a while to stick around but his mindset is messing with him. His biggest worry is having to use condoms the rest of his life if he stays with me. I am seeing tonite because I requested to but I dont know how to convince him otherwise. He still has feelings for me...he said so himself.

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Our expert says:
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Odd how often a simple decision to be bothered about something causes a significant problem. Some people, mainly men, decide rather arbitrarily that condoms are something they choose to not tolerate, and it becomes a problem ; others choose not to be bothered about it, and it does not become a problem for them or their partner. IS he perhaps, though, bothered not so much about the condoms as such, but with the issue of their being needed to reduce a significant risk to him ?
And, as said, he ought to be wearing a condom whoever he has sex with, unless he wants to become HIV positive as soon as he can, so condom use as such isn't, again, likely to be the central issue. If he doesn't want to wear them with anyone else either, then he must have no concern about becoming HIV positive, and may as well remain with you anyway.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Tani | 2008/07/18

Okay, it is clear that this is a very sensitive issue for a lot of people but I can understand why SR asked what she/he did.

I was also reading nick name' s post and wondering so if she' s positive, he might just as well be. So what' s the issue here.

Now that nick name has explained what the situation is, I can understand what this guys problem might be. Although we claim that we are a very enlightened nation regarding HIV/Aids, there are still a lot of stigma surrounding it and people who are positive. This guy might be scarred to death because he does not know better.

As I think say, why do you need him to stay with you? You have a lot more to worry about now and need to look after yourself and do what' s best for you. So if he can' t stay with you and support you for who and what you are, then may be he' s just not the one for you.

Good luck.

Reply to Tani
Posted by: i think | 2008/07/18

Nick name, why would u want to convience someone to stay with u? I mean if the guy loves u then give him time to deal with the news then if its was meant for u both to be together then things will just fall into place...Love is not something that should be forced on people..He will come around...

And the reality is he will have to use a condom for the rest of his life so what is there to convience...Pls girlfriend find a way of accepting ur status and loving urself first, believe me the rest will just follow..Good luck..

Reply to i think
Posted by: I think | 2008/07/18

SR, what do u mean when u ask,how did it come about for her to test positive?

Reply to I think
Posted by: :-) | 2008/07/18

Sorry if you misunderstood me.

What I am saying is that ITS A SHITTY EXCHUSE to break up with you for. I mean really REALLY really now. If you love someone why would that bother you so much?

There is definately more to it than just wearing a condom. I think he' s got trust issues and various other issues or true reasons, which has nothing to do with wearing condoms.

and SR - your revolt me at being so nosy.

Reply to :-)
Posted by: Nick name | 2008/07/18

I dont think I understand your question yet I' ll try answer anyway.
Him and I had always used condoms, hence we tested when we wanted to stop. I was positive and he negative. Now that means I had it before meeting him. Hope I satisfied your curiosity.
As for the condom issue...he is refering to if we were to get married.

Reply to Nick name
Posted by: SR | 2008/07/18

How did it come about that you tested positive?

Reply to SR
Posted by: :-) | 2008/07/18

Nice Nic " Nick Name"  :-)

why would he only have to use a condom with you for the rest of his life, would he not have to use one with whomever he is with?

Reply to :-)

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