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Question
Posted by: Suri | 2004/12/09

What do I do now?? Please help....

Hi,

All hell broke loose last night. After work I went to the mall and I bumped into my boyfriend. Ended up shopping with him then I invited him home for supper.

When we got to my place my mom was already upset to see that he was with me, as she thought that she was going to be alone with me last night. My boyfriend was joking around, play fighting with me infront of my mom.

She got upset with this as she felt that we weren't showing her any respect but she didn't say anything about it. My BF then joked and said that he wanted me to come with him to Durban for Christmas, my mom replied that she will only allow that if he comes to my family and proposes.

They ended up in this heated discussion about marriage. Supper was stressfull as no one spoke to each other. My BF is upset with my mom because she basically told him that he doesn't come from a respectable family and she raised her voice to him.

After he left my mom and I got into an argument about it. She wants me to choose between my BF and her. I can't do that I love them both. My BF says that until I resolve my problems with my mom he doesn't feel that we should see each other. I can't live like this any more, its just becoming to much. My granny suggests that I get my dad to help solve this problem.

I think that the only solution is for me to move out. I am so confused right now...

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

GRanny may be right, surely dad needs to become involved in resolving this issue. Relating to what Jenna said, do make sure, all through this, that you don't feel you have to0 cling to your bf BECAUSE your mother is against the relationship --- it's hard to make sure that your don't get trapped either into feeling you have to do whatever she says, or that you must avoid doing what she says, even if she might be right on occasion ! And it does sound as if your bf was a bit thoughtless and tactless, and not respectful, in how he dealt with your mother, wasn't he ?
It's unfair for her to try to force you to choose betwwen him and her, but that's the sort of thing despairing mothers may do. As Kay says, you need to talk more with your mom, to be sure you understand each other better

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

2
Our users say:
Posted by: Kay | 2004/12/09

Your mom is been very unreasonable. How can she possibly expect you to choose, being your "mother" she should be the one you can rely on, confide in, like a best friend. Sit her down and tell her how you feel, and that you are aware that she is only looking out for your best interest and also you value her opinion but also that you are grown up and old enough to make your own choices as to who you date and that you trust in your own judgement as far as your boyfriend is concerned. You also need to let your boyfriend know that your mom is a little sensitive and it would be appreciated that he is a little more respectful around her. I really do sympathise with you. When I was dating my mother hated my boyfriend, now my husband and today they are best buddies. Good luck.

Reply to Kay
Posted by: Jemma | 2004/12/09

I know it must be hard for a parent to see their children falling in love with the wrong people but I think the only think a parent can do is to tell their children how they feel about the relationship and then it's up to the child to decide for themselves.

Being so strict and and expecting you to choose between your mother and your boyfriend will only drive you away from your mother. She thinks that she will win you over but all she is doing is to drive you away. Perhaps you must tell her that you are thinking of moving out. Perhaps that will make her think twice.

Your mother must leave you so you can find out for yourself it his guy is right for you or not.

Try to speak to her and tell her that her actions is driving you away from her.

Good luck.

Reply to Jemma

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