Posted by: n@s | 2004/01/06

What do I do about cheating and drugs?

Please can I have some advise bcoz I am going crazy with everything going on.
My boyfriend and I have been together for the past 3 years. We recently had a fight which lasted 3 wees. Ever since then he contacts me very little, he is lying to me. He never used to lie to me until now. I have know him for so long and that is how I pick up that he is lying. He is never home anymore. And he keeps on telling me that he wants to be with me but then acts very coldly towards me. I returned home to him yesterday (he wanted me to come back). He told me that bcoz we are fighting, he has started taking drugs. He takes ecstacy every single day. And when I saw him yesterday, he was so depressed that it looked like he was proof of the walking dead. He said all the fighting drove him to it. Plus on top of it, he kept on getting missed calls and messages on his phone and won't tell me who it is. These calls lasted until 12am. He just kept on ignoring these messages and calls. Then we woke up at 2am and went to the bathroom with his cellphone. In the morning he even went to bath with his cellphone. I begged him to tell me who is calling him and he said that it was his dealer. But surely the dealer won't put himself at risk by phoning him. I have got suspisions that it is not the dealer phoning him but another women. (He has being lying to me saying that he is working meanwhile he is in PTA). I am on the verge of hiring a detective to see if he is cheating and dealing in drugs. I know that what I might find will hurt me, but I can't take his lying and secrets anymore. What should I do?
He says that he wants to be with me so badly but then he says that he does not know what he wants and is confused. Is the drugs making him depressed and making him lie? I am scared that the drugs will make him depressed and then he takes more to get rid of the depression. Please can someone give me some advise becasue I am going insane.

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Our expert says:
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Hi n@s

I think you know the answer already, but you are just 2 scared 2 make a move. Taking drugs!!! This have to give you a clear indication of what you are suppose to do and the descisions that you will have to make. When people are regular drug users, their personalities can change drastically - to the point that you don't even know the person anymore.

I don't want to add to your sadness, but it sounds to me if this guy is bad news. And yes, I am well aware that nice girls attrack bad boys, but in this case run.

Tell him that you are not interested in being in a relationship with a drug user and that he must go for rehab and clean up before you would consider dating him again.

Don't fool yourself. This is going to be difficult but if you don't do the right thing now things are going to get worse.

Make a good descision and stick with it. A relationship should be build on trust and it seems that in your case the foundation of a good stable relationship is not the case.

Good luck

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