Posted by: So Confused!! | 2008/06/27

What do i do?

Hi there, I need your advice.
I have been married for 2 yrs, almost 3. My husband and i have been separated now for 4 mnths, but we still see each other daily. Our main problems are communication, he has a son that lives with us, we cant have kids, he is a workaholic etc.
I dont know if I should go back to him, he isnt abusive, he doesnt cheat, but I feel cheated because i dont have a baby.
We are also not on the same intellectual level, we dont have the same interests.
He is overweight and very self concious of his looks. This affects our relationship and social life. I dont know what to do, as i also am not comfortable with his weight but i dont know how to tell him.
I dont feel like i fit in to his family (him and his son). I am so confused, he is a good man that provides for his family, but I am not attracted to him. Is it possible to feel like this.
What should I do? do I go back and work at my marriage or do I break all ties and start again?
My biggest fear is that I will find someone worse than him and then regret my decision forever.
Please help me, I am still young (27) -i just dont know what to do.

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Our expert says:
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Why does nobody seem to think of Marriage counselling in a situation like this ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: WTF | 2008/06/27

What I think CS was trying to say if you can see through the sarcasm is, have you guys been for counsellings? Would the two of you be willing to go and work on your relationship? It might be a good place to start and work through some of the issues you guys are dealing with and struggling with right now.

I am sorry you feel the way you do about the various issues you mentioned and I really do hope that you can somehow work through it. I understand how you feel about not having a baby, I am not sure what to suggest when it comes to that, but I think most importantly, you need to fix your relationship with each other.

Good luck to you, I hope you find the answers you need.

Reply to WTF
Posted by: John | 2008/06/27

A marriage should be fulfilling in very many ways and not be seen as a financial haven or "I could be doing a lot worse". If you want safety and security, stay where you are. If you want your heart to beat faster, the thrill of real love, the lack of embarrasment at your partners waist size - time to move on, time to learn to take risks and that life guarantees nothing and that the fact that you could lose it all makes it worth it all worthwhile.

Reply to John
Posted by: Moon | 2008/06/27

Counseling is hard work! Nothing would change afetr 1 session. Nothing would change after 1000 sessions. YOU HAVE TO MAKE IT CHANGE. By you i mean you and your husband, if noth of you are not commited to make it better, it would just not happen!

Reply to Moon
Posted by: So Confused!! | 2008/06/27

When I married him I was from a very hurtful relationship and I didnt want to feel that pain again.
We went for one session of councelling, but he just agreed to everything - but nothing changed.

Reply to So Confused!!
Posted by: Maria | 2008/06/27

Why did you marry him? What attracted you to him in the first place? What were the things you enjoyed doing together?

Reply to Maria

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