Posted by: Helpless | 2008/05/23

What do I do???????

My ex husband was very abusive(physical) and I divorced him and got re married 2 yrs ago with 2 teenage boys now18 and 13 years old. My husband has never been close to the kids at all, he literally went into depression after few months of marriage stating that he is still in love with his ex and he can't forgive himself for leaving her. Me and my hubby have a one year old baby.

The hubby is not mean or abusive with the kids at all, but what he does he just there in the house he does not have any relation with them, in terms of assking them about school or about spending time with them. I 've always known deep down in my heart that this is hurting my kids untill my son raised it.

My 18 year old son rebelled against me and I grounded him. But he told me that the reason he rebelled is because I compromised my values for my husband. He mentioned that my husband is not the father i promised them, and he is also a porn addict which my son said it is wrong( I agree there porn os wrong).He also mentioned that my hubby only loves his son and not them and we are not living as a family and for that he despise what he calls his home.

The dillemma Iam having is that, regardless of my husbands cold behaviour to my kids, me and him have a very good relationship. It is not ideal but we relate well. I also feel for my kids because I have brought this man in their lives. the baby adores his dada they have a good relationship. What do I do, I tried speaking to him but he says the only thing is for him to leave because he can't be that father to the kids. I have suggested counselling but he is refusing. I love him so much but I also love my kids, what I want is for us to be a family. Iam I asking too much?I don't want to go through another divorce!!Plz help!!

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Get your husbandto join you in marriage cousnelling, there are many important issues here which have to be worked on by the pair of you, for your own sakes and for that of the children. It makes no sense for him to just give up without seriously trying to sort things out

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Our users say:
Posted by: joy | 2008/05/26

Enjoy your kids, celebrate life with them, fall in love with them and with life, your husband will be forced to see what you see, and he might join in the fun, take your kids out, even to movies or picnic, make them feel like you can be a mom and a dad, I do this, my boyfriend has to fit into our love, he cannot bring hate into our family cause theres no space for it

Reply to joy
Posted by: ann | 2008/05/23

Your children in this sort of relationship is the most inportant -
there are enough screwed up kids out there.

Reply to ann
Posted by: Nicky | 2008/05/23

Sorry but your hubby telling you he still loves his x, is why did he marry you and have a child with you...

"he literally went into depression after few months of marriage stating that he is still in love with his ex "

so he is moping around the house ith guilt instead of making a second marriage work, not taking notice of your children who are yearning for love and attention from a male figure...

As much as you two get along... as a mother, would you sacrifice the well being and happiness of your children for a man?...........who by the way is still inove with his ex!

Reply to Nicky

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