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Question
Posted by: Confused | 2008/05/21

What do I do???

I have been in a serious relationship with my boyfriend for 4 years.
But i have feelings for a guy that i used to work with, these feelings have been going on for almost a year. Nothing ever happened between us until recently, we kissed on three different ocasions. He told me that he had strong feelings for me and that if anything could come out of it he wants all or nothing (did i mention that he is in a serious relationship to). On our last "meeting" things got heated and it scared both of us, now all of a sudden he feels guilty (which i dont). I dont know what to do.... i have never wanted to be with a person as much as I want to be with this guy. I dont want to hurt my boyfriend by leaving, what am i suppose to do???

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Our users say:
Posted by: N.H | 2008/05/22

Confused, al wat ek vir jou kan voorstel is dit...Besluit of dit die moeite werd is om die 80% wat jy het, te verruil vir die 20% wat jy soek. Dit lyk dalk aanloklik maar agterna sal jy dalk spyt kry oor jy die 80% wat jy gehad het, verloor het.

Ek hou van jou en voel rerig jammer vir jou, hoop jy kom reg, laat weet hoor.

Reply to N.H
Posted by: ben | 2008/05/22

unfortunately its one or the other. if the fireworks are gone they are gone and i think it happens to most relationships. so you got to choose whether you want new fireworks every few years, or a committed yet possibly boring relationship. its not wrong to want the fireworks but acting on them is bad. rather be single and play the field. but i think you CONFUSED, like a lot of females, picture the perfect relationship in your mind and when it doesnt live up to it then you do silly things. how many women get depressed after their wedding day because reality and the dream dont match?

Reply to ben
Posted by: Confused | 2008/05/22

Guess that means I'm not good at dealing with temptation then?? But is it wrong to still want fireworks after so long?? And what does it mean if you lost it and cant get it back??

Reply to Confused
Posted by: ben | 2008/05/22

so CONFUSED what will you do if you hook up with the new guy, and then after 5 yrs or so you meet another amazing guy, fireworks and all? you gonna kiss him too and cheat again? there will always, always, be some one else in the background offering himself/herself and it comes down to how you deal with the temptation.

Reply to ben
Posted by: David | 2008/05/21

Deal with it, because what you are doing now is far more hurful!

Reply to David
Posted by: Confused | 2008/05/21

The situation is a little bit more complicated, i can't just walk away. We have been living together for almost 2 years. And how do you just tell the person whom you have shared 4 years of your live with that you cheated and that your leaving???? How do you look them in the eye knowing that the pain that you see there was caused by you???

Reply to Confused
Posted by: ALMOST MAD | 2008/05/21

i agree with david. good advice.

Reply to ALMOST MAD
Posted by: David | 2008/05/21

Please don't think you can have your cake and eat it too.
Leave your boyfriend because there is no point in staying in the relationship, you have feelings for someone else anyway and you have already cheated. Tell your boyfriend the truth, walk away and have the decency to allow him the time to get over you and meet someone else who will be more deserving of his love and respect than you are.

Good luck

Reply to David
Posted by: SR | 2008/05/21

Golden rule = Never leave your current relationsihip / partner for another person. Leave for your own reasons. (1) The grass is not greener on the other side
(2)If he or she can cheat with you they can cheat on you
etc
etc
the list is long

But this advice never works on the forum because people just go and do their own thing anyway. I find that by presenting a problem you are not looking for advice, just for a blessing .... so go on and do your own thing

Reply to SR

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