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Question
Posted by: jason | 2005/01/06

what did i do

I was in a four year on/off relationship with my exgirlfriend.I moved away one and a half years ago 600km from her due to work but still kept in touch and still went home and visited her.

During this last year, i met a nice girl and fell in love with her. She is 7 years older than me (I'm 28) but we are very compitable. I did not know whether i wanted a permanent relationship with her and did not tell her about the ex.

However,our relationship became more and more seroius. I needed to choose. I chose her and told her this big lie that i have been keeping.

Now, we are at a stage to keep the relationship or leave.

I cannot fathom why I did not have the emotional strength to leave my ex alone.

Is it a mistake for her to trust me again and get back together with me?

Any advice on what i should I do about this situation?

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Our expert says:
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As you've discovered, lies may be tempting, but very rarely helpful. Paris sums up the important questions very well. Was gf1 still a gf, or a sort of life-boat, or substitute in case relationsip 2 didn't work out ? Don't you owe it to both women, and to yourself, to have a frank and honest discussion of the situation with each of them, and see what, if anything is left ? And if that turns out to be nothing, then be more careful to be frank next time ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: PARIS | 2005/01/06

Er, no not very clever on your part. You dont actually say if you were still having a relationship with the Ex. Only mentioned that you kept in contact and when you went home you visited her. What does visited mean? Does it mean that you were having your bread buttered on both sides or does it mean you simply went over for coffee and cake?

If you were merely having coffee and cake then i would really sit down and reassure your new lady that nothing happened, i would also be honest and tell her that you were in a strange place. Be completely honest.

If you were having a little more than coffee and cake, say a little hanky panky too then it would be up to her if she wants to trust your skanky ass again. But how does one gain trust after a lie like this?

What would you do if the roles were reversed?

PARIS
XXX

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