Our expert says:
surely in this situation the rehab centre ought to pull out all the stops and ensure that she gets proper expert assessment and advice and help. I am troubled that some rehb centres seem to provide frighteningly limited actual services, but surely in a situation as severe as this they ought to be able to call on the needed resources.
From the sound if it the child ought to be able to still make a success of her life, especially with the proper help. Most of us are much more resilient than one might think ; and she is certainly being given the opportunity to learn how NOT to manage a family life and other aspects of life ; so long as she can at least get the message that there are alternatives, and that things can be better, there is good hope for her.
Apart from the Family from Hell in general, what does your Ex think about this situation specifically as if affects this daughter ? Even if overseas, could he not at least push for her to receive better professional help, and even to have the freedom to at least visit you and your family ? ( Even visits that confirm that loving and functional families can and do exist, could be useful for her ).
But it sounds as if the F from H would unite against your active involvement, and you formally, legally, have no real status in the matter. I agree with the others --- souldn't the child welfare authorties be involved, especially since the rape ? And paul raises an important issue, easy to overlook --- the fact of the rape may raise questions about the Hells' Grannies capacity to maintain custody effectively, especially if she's seen to be pursuoing financial returns rather than providing the best available rape counselling and other care for the child.
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