Posted by: Angela | 2009/06/18

What can I do to help her?

Probably not a CS question ... but maybe someone who reads the post can assist! I have a colleague whose husband is a serial cheater ... he has been cheating on her for years. He even had a fling with a young woman in their family - according to him she was lonely and needed a man!!! She (my colleague) has told the woman that she no longer wants anything to do with her and won' t even acknowledge her kids who happen to be my colleague' s neices and nephews. For some time now, she has been getting the worst bladder infections and blames it on the toilets at work. We all use the same facilities ... We have tried talking to her about her husband' s cheating, but she won' t budge. She received a call a few weeks ago from a man asking her to tell her husband to stay away from his wife, yet she won' t acknowledge that there is a problem. Please guys - what else can we do to get this woman to open her eyes and see what' s going on? Apparently he has a reputation for being a " flirt"  at work. Furthermore, she is not allowed to have friends of her own visiting her at home as he says he does not trust her. I feel sorry for her and I don' t know how to help her as she turns a blind eye to his philandering .. the proof is all there and she refuses to see it.

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Our expert says:
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How charitable of this rat to have volunteered to help the young woman who he diagnosed as in need of a man. I wonder whether his charity would extend to ugly and unatractive people who may really need a kindly man --- or to helping out with odd jobs, rather than only in the bedroom ? Her recurrent blader infections may well represent infections she catches from her husband, who generously brings them home. And they could be a risk to her. Its also strangely typical of a cheater that he is deeply suspicious that his spouse will cheat. Sounds like she's locked in denial, and there's not much anyone else can do while she is insisting on ignoring the facts. Adultd are allowed to be foolish, and you really have neither grounds to interfere, nor any reliable way to be useful

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Our users say:
Posted by: Kelly | 2009/06/18

Yip rather just leave her be.
You will end up being the bad one if you try to make her realize these things believe me.
Leave her be and hope she opens her eyes soon but otherwise nothing you do or say is going to sway her.
It is frustrating!

Reply to Kelly
Posted by: Angela | 2009/06/18

Thanks for your input! I will remain there for her - it' s bad enough that she has a deceitful husband - I will just stick around and support her as far as possible - maybe one day she' ll come around, hopefully not when it' s too late and she has caught some dreaded disease from him!

Reply to Angela
Posted by: BI | 2009/06/18

Honey, if she doesn' t want to admit there' s a problem then it will remain her problem.
You cannot force her to see something she doesn' t seem to want to acknowledge.
she' s going to have to be strong enough herself. maybe just keep being her friend so when she does finally ' give into'  reality then you can provide support.
until then... she' s cjosen to live in a dream world.

Reply to BI

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