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Question
Posted by: CP Mom | 2005/12/13

What a bad nite.....

Picked up Nè after work she was friendly and nice. She even carried my tapestry to the shop and I got more wool and she was patient. We pushed the trolly bought groceries all was fine.

I go to G's mother (where one of the kids, Nè's favourite is for the week) and I visit and she drinks Milo and biscuits. Im biding my time to go a friend to collect something.

As I want to leave Nè has a fit (tantrum) like i've not had in a long, long time. She refuses to leave. She might only be 9 but let me tell you I cannot believe her strengh. She kick's and screams and I have to take her with force and hold her arms down while putting her in the car - she's kicking the door and telling me (like she say's to the dog) to VOETSEK (she says voekek) I nearly slam her foot in the door.

While driving she's crying her heart out if I want to touch her she screaaaaaams at me and hits me. She messes with the radio and the cd and my glasses and she's wild! Get to my friends house tell her to stay in the car. My friend comes out and Nè's going wild. Puting the lights on and of and and and and

We get home I must DRAG her out the car jissie she was sooo difficult - must be a year since her last tantrum like this!

Eventually she comes to me crying that she wants to bath I say just wait for Andrea then you and her can bath together like every nite she screams at me VOETSEK and runs to her room crying....were she fell asleep and then she had an awful nite. Came and asked me if she could sleep with me I said no and then she brought her sheets, duvet and pillows and slept on the floor next to the bed.....

Jissie - I hope this is not going to return....I think she might miss my mom coz she call's Ricardo's gran "cado's Ouma"....ek weet nie maar dit was aaklig!

Reminded me of the day's i went nowhere coz I couldnt face these tantrums.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Sorry to hear of this --- we all have bad days, and perhaps when, like Ne, you don't have the vocabulary to express yourself so well, it's inarticulate rage. It is of course a potential problem with such a child, that as she gets older, even if there are gains in her abilities and capabilities, she gets larger, heavier and stronger, and thus more difficult to control when she doesn't want to be controlled.
and as for the shrink, well, in some of these situations, NOBODY alive has a good answer for how to handle the situation, so it was probably a fair answer, as you have more experience of dealig with this sort of problem than most other people in the country !
By the way, CP Mom, while I remember it, amongst my mail, I found a leaflet for a place in Pretoria which may or not be helpful to you at some time, called Tiqwa, PO BOx 12769 Queenswood 0121, 012-430-2630, corporate.services@ pixie.co.za --- a "private school for intensive individual therapautic tuition for children with learning disabilities. "

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Frusty | 2005/12/13

Mmmm, maybe not the right shrink for you then, hey? Just remember though that we are all human, so do not, under any circumstances, feel bad about feeling bad, okay? You have been through so much in your life and found the strength to pull through. You will get through this as well. I will keep you and your angel in my thoughts.

Reply to Frusty
Posted by: CP | 2005/12/13

Ag Frusty I saw a shrink once to help me and in the end she went with me to McDonalds and gave up and asked me WHAT DO U USUALLY DO i said
through her in the car slam the door...she said GUESS THAT'S IT THEN I DONT KNOW EITHER.....

big help hey ?

Reply to CP
Posted by: Lois_Lane | 2005/12/13

i really feel for you...... i have three little girls, they live with me for a week and with their dad for a week. Last night was quite hectic for me too. the settling in symptoms. they were unruly, rude to me, misbehave, totally no regard for my authority and i was at my wits end. i eventually started crying, cause i only see them 2 weeks a month and then i feel like i am having to shout at them and punish them the first day after not seeing them for a week. i am hopin they will be better today when i get home from work. the worst is i cannot reason with them. they are aged 5, 4 and 2. i dont know what i would do without them though, i guess we as adult all have our "wobblies", and kids just express themselves in a seemingly more "uncontrolled" manner than we would.
STERKTE HOOR!!!!!!

Reply to Lois_Lane
Posted by: Frusty | 2005/12/13

Aaaaag, CP MOM, I am so sorry to hear you have had a rough time. Maybe it was just overdue for her to let some steam off. You must admit that she has been the little angel for a long time now. I know sometimes I just want to kick and scream out at everyone, but I have the mental capacity to understand that I just need to let off some steam. She does not. It is very hard on you and everyone around you, I know this, and I cannot even begin to understand your anguish today, but maybe it is better to just let her ride out the storm. What has happened in the past when she goes through a stage like this? Is there perhaps a scenario that you go through to calm her down?

Reply to Frusty
Posted by: figured it out | 2005/12/13

Hi there,

Wow, rough time for you, but I must say I am impressed at how well you handled it. She will have her lousy times too, just as we have them. You know, those days when you get out the wrong side of the bed, and feel crappy all day for no particular reason.

Well, she also has those times, but unlike you, she is not able to express or understand her emotions and feelings, tantrums become an expression. Then, when the tantrums are over, she needs consoling, so she came to you, the one person she can freak out with as well as love.

As parents you always get the worst of it, and the best. They hate you because they can, and they love you because they do.

I think at the end of a tantrum, some consoling is important, its just that emotional reassurance that we all need. heck, she even brought her bedding toyour room to sleep, says a lot!

I'm sure all will be back to normal now.

Keep strong...!

Reply to figured it out

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