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Question
Posted by: Pink | 2008/05/26

Wedding

Pls advice. I'm planning to get married next year, but my parents are a huge problem. They have been divorce for more than 15 years but still don’t see eye to eye. My father is an alcoholic and my mom likes to through tantrums when things doesn’t go her way. They've put such a seen on at my sisters wedding my father arrived drunk after we've begged him 3months in advance not to drink just for that one day. My mom arrived with her husband whom doesn’t get along with my father. My biological father and stepfather started fighting before the wedding and during the wedding and my mom encouraged the fight . We had our hands full. How can I include these people in my wedding? I don’t want the same incident to happen at my wedding and I also don't want to totally exclude them

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Good grief ! What a horrible contribution nthey made to your sister's wedding ! Its your wedding, and you're the boss. YOu need to speak calmly but firmly to each of them, laying down strict conditions as to what is and is not acceptable behaviour on their part --- and unless they vow to keep to those rules, they must know that they are NOT invited ; and if they arrive and break any of the rules, tell them you'll hire guards and friends to have them removed. They can fight and squabble anywhere they like EXCEPT at the wedding, and if your father arrives drunk, he must know that he will not be admitted, and will not be served alcohol during the reception.
Nia's suggestions also make a great deal of sense. Yes, a bouncer --- and even if they are in any part paying for the reception, that does not give them the right to act childishly and spoil it for anyone else, most especially not for you

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Our users say:
Posted by: Britty | 2008/05/26

You must be a very nice person to put up with such bad behaviour from family - these people are just plain downright rude and I can't understand why you put up with them but then blood is thicker than water. CS and everyone's advice is really good - I hope you are going to be very firm with your family maybe even threaten them with not seeing them again if they mess up your wedding, whatever you decide I hope it works for you and that you enjoy your special day. Take care.

Reply to Britty
Posted by: Montana | 2008/05/26

Visitor has a good idea - perhaps go for an alcohol free wedding.... with a bouncer of course. Good Luck!

Reply to Montana
Posted by: sadi | 2008/05/26

Dont invite them at all. Maybe that will teach them to grow up and behave like adults. Tell them if they dont get their act together then they wont beable to see the grandchildren either.

Reply to sadi
Posted by: visitor | 2008/05/26

a family member is facing a similar predicament when she gets married in a few months time. this was my suggestion to her:
1. only have the bride/groom/best man/bridesmaid at the main table - seat disagreeable parents and family members far apart

2. have a morning wedding with a breakfast buffet - this avoids a lot of alchohol which seems to contribute to further problems at a wedding

Reply to visitor
Posted by: Nia | 2008/05/26

You have a tough one on your hands. If you are paying for the wedding, then you can decide who you want to invite. If you do not want anyone there, then you do not have to invite them. If your parents are paying, then you will have no choice but to invite them. In that case, maybe you could try to make sure that they do not sit at the same table and that they do photographs at seperate times? Maybe ask someone that will understand the situation (e.g. your sister) to keep one half of the problem company and someone else to keep the other half busy so that they do not get time to get to one another. And just in case your worst fears come true - maybe you can get someone to act as a bouncer to remove the people who are making it uncomfortable for you. This may be a bit harsh, but that is all I can think of. Good luck!

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