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Question
Posted by: Nancy | 2004/02/27

Web of lies, please help!!!

Ive been going out with my boyfriend for 3yrs now. I couldn’t ask for anything more. He’s everything I have ever dreamed of. Problem is him and his family r extremely rich, he has an honours in business science and a very good job with one of the big companies. He's 29yrs old has his own house, car and the very succesful in his career. Me on the other side im 25yrs, come from a very poor family, im even ashamed of my home, only have a matric and im a switchboard operator. Most people don’t know where I leave as Ive always lied and say I stay in a township which is nearer to my home whereas I stay in a two room house subsidised by the government,which i paid half for but so ashamed of.(b4 we use stay at my uncles house). BF knows my background and has no problem with it, even helps out at home with a lot of things. And I knw most people thing im with him because of his money whch is not the case, we truly love each other and he respects me a lot. I also have 2 sets of friends, those who knw my background frm childhood and the one i met when i started working, who thinks im from a good family. Im tired of lying and want to come out becaue ths is realy depressing me and want to come out. I knw most of them will be so surprised bc as poor as I am i take good care of myself, im very sophisticated, well mannered and studying part time. One day I know I will succed and buy my family a decent house but in the meantime I need to get myself out of this web of lies i got myself into. Doc this is eating my soul!!!

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Dear nancy,
What actually matters is YOU, and clearly your bf is sensible enough to recognize that he has found something marvellous, which money can't buy --- you. And he's wise enough to appreciate this. Discuss this with your bf, and work out a plan together. You're right that it's an enormous strain to live a lie ( and even to remember which lie you told to which person !) And it's not needed --- anyone who will think less of you, rather than more of you, when they discover that you have come from a poor background and have achieved so much in life, is a fool who is not worth having as a friend anyway. So anyone who has any problem with the truth about you, is someone YOU ought to drop as a friend. The real friends will be as fond of you as ever, and proud of you, as well.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: merce | 2004/02/28

Who needs friends anyway. If they cant accept you for who you are then they are not friends. And who are they to judge you? If you are a good friend to them why does it matter! It non of their business where you live as long as you have a roof over your head and a plate of food every day and you dont beg and you dont steal from anyone then you should not be ashamed there are people out there who are homeless and who dont even know what they are going to eat tonight so. Be happy with what you have. If your friends dont accept you then they are not friends at all. I thought you were afraid of telling your boyfriend that you come from a poor family. Thats why I said you should be honest with him.

Reply to merce
Posted by: Merce | 2004/02/28

I think you have found a good man!! And if he loves you as he says. He will love you for who you are and not for what you have. He saw something in you that has brought him to you. So Tell him your situation and I am sure he wont run away. and Girl hold on to him because if you lose this opportunity you wont have another one. We all start from nothing and we end up with something good. I am stuck with a boyfriend of 8yrs who I cant trust so. Honesty is the key!!

Reply to Merce
Posted by: Tammy | 2004/02/27

Nancy, you have to decide if you are going to live the rest of your life trying to please other people, or trying to keep friends who do not know your background. I am also ashamed of my family and background, but I realized that my past is in the past, i have to accept and move on. Your bf loves and respects you, and he sounds like a nice guy, he probably helps you out because he loves you not because he feels sorry for you, who cares what other people think. You also sound like a good person, and I think that people will like you no matter where you live. Come clean with your friends and if they have a problem with it, then are they worth having as friends? Your bf accepts you for who you are, I think that is all that matters, if anyone else has a problem with you, then so be it.

Reply to Tammy

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