Posted by: Toopaks | 2008/10/21

Was she a rebound or love lost


I am a divorced young man. Has been dating a lady since Feb in the year.

I have however withdrawn from her and interaction with her. I don' t want to see her or meet her or even run out of things to say over the phone either.

I am confused about the reason this is happening. Am i over her? Why? Could it be she was just a rebound or are there things she did.

We started by disagreeing on principle: I open up and talk and share openly. She does not. She feels if she does she will be exposing herself and being weak in my hands. I feel that it would be the way to caring for each other.

I suspect she has a burden from past - like we all do. She is, however, bothered by her little (8 year old) daughter staying with relatives of her ex (the father of the child) in another province. The child was taken from her because the 1. she cheated on her ex  2. her sister wanted the child to be sent away while she plays mom to her sister' s 2 children (the sister works in England). Consequently she claims that she has no access to her child and doesn' t know what to do.

I feel that she doesn' t stand up for herself. She is going to be a heavy load for me to carry because she needs a greater extent of support and is afraid. Am I being selfish? Is carry her monkey buggage from the past supposed to be my role or am I doing the right thing by drawing a line and keeping my boundaries (which concept she does not understand and feels that I am being a bad boyfirend)?

Help me

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Our expert says:
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Hard to tell, at this distance. Could have been a rebound affair, which can often fade like this. You don't sound very compatible, and maybe as you realized the degree of burden you might need to carry ( especially if she is so unassertive and would leave her problems to you yo solve ) that could be a major turn-off. Maybe she's needier than you can face right now. Especially if she doesn't understand the idea of boundaries and limits, this could be very unpleasant for you if you continue in that direction

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