Posted by: mandy | 2004/10/18

want to marry

I am 23 and would like to get married my boyfriend is 32, we've been dating for 4 years and now I panic a lot I love his kids and he knows that I dont drink or smoke I dont go to parties I know I will be a good wife, i;ve tried to hint him about us getting married and nothing has happened he doesnt even want to talk about those things, and now I have started to doubt if i'm good enough for him, or am I very low for him but I know he loves me. and my friends are not married and are not even thinking about that. for the whole 4 years we've been 2gether I never cheated on him and he knows that, what can a I do to make him pop up that question to make him realise that I am a good wife. cause I've been through a lot with him and I always stood by his side and I always supported him.I love him and his kids unconditionaly.please help

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Our expert says:
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mandy, I'm quite sure you are good enough for him. You sound like a very good and loving person. The question is, rather, is he good enough for you ? The present arrangement sounds comfortable and convenient for him, with little motivation for him to change and move towards marriage. He doesn't seem to recognize how lucky he is. You need to talk this out with him, fankly and assertively.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Zee | 2004/10/18

I agree with the above. He is using you for convenience. Please look for a guy around ur age that u ll grow together, and share a bit of history. This man is too experienced and had his life and all he need is a handbag to keep in his armpit to make himself feel good.

Girl u are so young and deserves better. JUST WAKE UP AND SEE A BIGGER PICTURE. Otherwise u ll wake up at 27 -30 yrs and regret how much you missed in life still single and lonely, waiting for an old man to pop the big question in the name of "LOVE". Girl, there is a lot that life can offer you, just be brave and move on with ur life and I do understand it will hurt but Time is a healer.

Gud luck

Reply to Zee
Posted by: P | 2004/10/18

And don't think and speak so little of yourself! Maybe he does not love you but it is handy to have you around him because in his position he does not have many choices. This sound negative against you, it is not meant that way. Currently he is getting more out of the relationship than you are getting, you could get more than you currently have, you've got options. Don't waste another few years in this position -And please, by that I am not encouraging you to press him for marriage!

Reply to P
Posted by: P | 2004/10/18

He may be a good guy but you don't know how good it could get with some-one else untill you have had the experience to mingle with other decent guys as well. What I am trying to say is that you are stupid to keep yourself up at your age with someone that has kids! At your age -time and the world awaits you, you should not think about marriage already and be prepared to marry some one that has children, there are a lot of choices awaiting you if you explore it. But you will disagree because you only know the small world you have experienced. I'm sounding harsh and unkind, I do not mean it that way.

There are a lott of divorced okes that will be so glad to have a girlfriend that has not previosly been married and children of her own. In your position you can pick and choose amongst the decent guys that have not yet been married or has children, why making your live more difficult then it could be. At age -say 30 it would be difficult to find someone previously not married and with children, but at your age, they are out there waiting for you.

Unfortunately you will not listen and do the following, very few of us will at your young age: But you should tell your boyfriend that you love him but want to make sure that it is not a mistake to stick around him permanently.

A 32 year old guy with kids that has a someone aged 23 with (seemingly) no past relationships and willing to spend her life with him is lucky! You've got so much options open and waiting for you, but you cannot see that at this stage of your life.

Reply to P

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