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Question
Posted by: nobody | 2005/07/06

want to know

Im a 22 year old female in search for my father.Ive never seen him in my life.I used to ask my mother about him a lot when i was small but i gave up hope cause she kept lying to me. I know shes lying cause she said he raped her and thats why im here today.Why would he rape her, they shared a flat for over a year in Krugersdorp? She also used to say that he took little girls home and rape them in another room while se was at home.If he did that she would have called the cops and she wouldnt ever have stayd with him for such a long time!she just told me all that stuff hoping that would never want to meet him....Once at age 15 i asked her if she can try to find him for me and she just replied that im not mature enough.What does being mature or not got to do with knowing who your father is?If theres any one out there that could help me find him please let me know.I know his name, surname and birthdate can i even find him with this little info?

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Our expert says:
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I don't know whether or not she is lying. Rape can occur even when a couple are living together, even if they're maried. If he was violent towards other girls, well, that could well be true, and such men usually terrify the woman they are with, so that theyre scared to call the police -- the little girls may well not have complained for the same reason. Sadly, MANY women in such situations do indeed not only not call the police, but they do stay with such dreadful men, even for years. An they may subsequently be rather awful mothers, too. But that doesn't mean that he has to be a hero --- women like that tend to choose very similar men, so if her next bf was an abusive lout, the first one might well have been., too.
Under ordinary circumstances, with an ordinary father, 15 or even earlier is fine for meeting up with him. But if this guy was a child abuser, and abused your mom too, then 99 would be too young to meet up with such a despicable guy. And if it is true, then I can fully understand your mom telling you, as she would have good reasons for fearing that you, too, might be abused if you met up with him.
Every wondered why your dad has apparently never tried to contact or see you ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: nobody | 2005/07/07

my grandparents brought me up only went to live with my mom when i was 7. she went thru men like their going out of fashion.She was married 3 times and men were always her first priority.I was abused and almost raped by the one and she just stood there.I was wrong and he was right.so please dont stand up for her.....shes not worth it.

Reply to nobody
Posted by: Deubel | 2005/07/07

I tend to agree with Red Rose. He never attempted to contact you or contribute to your upbringing. You are in for a shock. He abandoned you but your mother has not. So give her some credit.

Reply to Deubel
Posted by: red rose | 2005/07/06

u cannot 100% doubt what your mother said becuase
1. she was the one who stick around
2. your father never tried to know about you
3. why would she lie t you and tell you all those things which undoubtedelyshe was aware how serious the accusations were

give her the benefit of trust after all she played the role of both parents

Reply to red rose
Posted by: Male23 | 2005/07/06

I replied to your email, i'm sure i'll be able to help you!

Reply to Male23
Posted by: Jen | 2005/07/06

Im sorry to hear about your problem. I cant believe your mother said those things about him! (Even if they were true), she shouldnt of told you that.

Has your dad been gone 22 yrs?

Im sure there is a way of finding him on the little information that you have!
Chin up girl.....Good Luck!

Reply to Jen
Posted by: Nobody | 2005/07/06

Male23 Ive send u an e-mail 30min ago still waiting 4 u 2 reply.Do u think u can help?

Reply to Nobody
Posted by: male23 | 2005/07/06

yeah, sorry... its DOT COM

Reply to male23
Posted by: nobody | 2005/07/06

isnt it DOT com
and what should i mail

Reply to nobody
Posted by: male23 | 2005/07/06

mail me at male23help AT hotmail DOT co DOT za

Reply to male23

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