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Question
Posted by: Tonti | 2004/12/02

Want to give up

Hi, I wrote yesterday about ECT, thanks for your answers. I have suffered from depression for about 20 years after contracting enchephalytis. There is no reason for me to feel the way I do. I have two children (9 and 18 mmths), a loving husband (who unfortunately doesn't understand depression) and we are well off, I don't have to work. Yesterday I woke up and knew IT was back. I get better, only for the blackness to return. I looked at my family sitting having breakfast yesteday, and immediately thought that although I love them, I don't like them, then I spend the rest of my every second feeling guilty for feeling that. I know it eventually goes away, it always comes back. All the tablets take so long to kick in, and all my GP says is that I should go and see a therapist. I have seen about 10 in the 20 years, a complete waste of time and money, as there is no reason for me feeling this way. I had a perfect childhood, but reached the stage where I was willing to tell the therapist that Yes mum had locked me in the attic, just to give them somthing to blame. Any bright ideas, also get extreme headaches when I get really badly depressed

PS have tried suicide 3 times, but not good at it!!!

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Our expert says:
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I understand, Tonti. And just what you mean, too, about recognizing that IT is back. Even the famous British wartime Prime Minister Winston Churchill had recurrent Depressions, which he called the Black Dog, which used to come and sit on his chest at times. We need to feel ( and be ) responsible for our actions, which we choose, but not necessarily for our feelings, which we often dont choose. Sorry you've managed to collect so many apparently useless therapists across the years --- there MUST be some good ones out there, somehow evading you so far.
From your description, these were indeed the wrong sort of unskilled therapists. They should not waste time looking for someone to blame, but concentrate on current problems and helping YOU to find solutions to them. This is why I promote CBT, Cognitive-Behaviour Therapy, because this one specific method not only has research to prove it works, but is practical, fairly short-term, and concentrates on how one is feeling as caused by how one is thinking, and to change this in more fruitful ways. Its benefits are lasting, too. Check out whether there's anyone trained in or using CBT in your area.
Headahces ae quite comon in depression, indeed all sorts of aches, as even if hey have mild physical causes, Depression is a brilliant amplifier of pain and unpleasantness. And I am SO pleased that you're not good at suicide ! Don't get good at it !

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2
Our users say:
Posted by: Shaun | 2004/12/02

Hi Tonti,

I think I may have been a bit too hard on you in my response, so please accept my apology.

Know that I was not laughing at you, but can relate to some of your experiences quite well.

Take care,
Shaun

Reply to Shaun
Posted by: Shaun | 2004/12/02

Hi Tonti,

Hehehe, glad the suicide attempts didn't work, maybe it's time for you to give up on that & take a lesson from it. Like howcome we seem so willing to just give up when we have so much going for us???
Anyway, I don't wanna tell you what you don't want to hear right now, like maybe stuff your therapists have told before. Thing is if you don't decide to take it in, then you won't, no matter what you try.
Anyway, who said there has to be a real reason why we become so depressed??? Who said that sometimes we aren't allowed to wake up feel lousy about everything??? Who said that tomorrow would be perfect???

If you have the notion that all this is a complete waste of time & money, then that is exactly what it will be. I hope though that you did take CS's response in, as he did suggest that he has some faith in ECT, but after successive alternative attempts first. & Anyway, maybe you are changing therapists too quickly before they can actually get to the actual work you need to do.

Regards,
Shaun

Reply to Shaun

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