Posted by: Confused | 2010/10/19

want to give another man bj

I have a desire to suck off another man, and I have seen this subject on this forum from different sides. I am straight and married for a long time, but would love to try it just once. When I told my wife she almost had a heart attack, but I cant seem to shake this fantasy, and if I did it once it would be enough. My wife is now very suspicious of me, and said that the thought disgusts her, and she will never see me the same, until I admit the fantasy is gone, but I dont want to ever lie to her, never have, and never will. She said she will never give me a bj again, and I should never shave my pubic hair off again. I dont know what to do

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageSexologist

Dear confused,

There is much debate around the issue about sharing fantasies with partners as a source for adding excitement and spice to relationships with a clear distinction between fantasy and reality. There is also strong opinion that certain fantasies that could result in distress in the relationship are best kept in our fantasy worlds. It is understood that we all have our potential range of fantasies that are informed by and shaped by our individual unique erotic maps, and rarely ever will two people have identical erotic maps. If there is sufficient overlap in our erotic maps with a partner then the potential for a relationship exists, whilst there may always still be elements of each person's erotic map at the fringes and periphery of the shared areas.

Another factor that is relevant to your situation is the fact that as human beings our sexual orientation falls along a spectrum and very few of us are so called 100% heterosexual or homosexual or so called exactly 50/50 bisexual. So even if we have a significant identification with a specific sexual orientation such as heterosexual for example, this does not completely exclude the possibility that some same sex attractions may also be part of our erotic maps and vice versa.

The challenge you describe is that you have shared this fantasy with your wife and it has resulted in distress in your relationship and you seem to indicate what sounds like potentially more than just a fantasy for you but the potential consideration to want to act on this fantasy and all this is adding to your state of confusion. For this I would syggest you consider consulting a sex therpist in your area who works both with indivuals and couples. This forum would not be sufficient for you to work through your personal confusion and to assist you and your wife through dealing with the relationship distress you are experiencing.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: SL | 2010/10/22

I say go for it!!!! i am a gay guy that sometimes wonder what it would be like to go down on a lady, so i know how you feel

Reply to SL
Posted by: Anom | 2010/10/21

Im bi/married and would like to blow an older mature man. Lets hook up confused.

Reply to Anom
Posted by: Tarzan | 2010/10/21

sorry anon, i''m straight and honestly i have never fantasized of giving another guy a bj, hell a 3some with 2 girls yes, but just the thought of touching another guy no sorry not for me, i prefer women, that''s why i''m straight and i''m happy to be straight, women are gorgeous.

Reply to Tarzan
Posted by: A guy | 2010/10/20

I am an older straight guy and i have had oral with men,its great.dont knock it until you have tried it.

Reply to A guy
Posted by: Lego | 2010/10/20

I totally disagree with Anon. It is not true that most of us did this as young boys! No one I know did this as a young boy. And I don''t believe it is such a common fantasy among men. Where is all his sexual pervertion going to end?

Reply to Lego
Posted by: just ice | 2010/10/20

OMG swallowing this is too much of a fantasy!

Reply to just ice
Posted by: Peter | 2010/10/20

Ok i think i just vomitted a little

Reply to Peter
Posted by: confused | 2010/10/20

I cant just do it as I am married, and would have to have my wifes permission, and would have to find a guy I know is free of any disease, as I would want to swallow. I just dont know how to convince my wife that its not a gay thing, just a curiosity.

Reply to confused
Posted by: Anon | 2010/10/20

I too am straight but had this fantasy which I fulfilled a few times some years ago. It is quite a common fantasy among men, it does NOT mean you are gay. I did it without ever telling my partner, to this day she does not know and I have no intention of telling her. I would suggest you try it otherwise you will spend your life wondering what it is like. Most of us as young boys did this to each other, so why should it be different as an adult.

Reply to Anon
Posted by: Oom Piet | 2010/10/20

What are you doing Confused? We dont drink pink drinks!! Dude you need help, professional help. Maybe call Dr Phil or something

Reply to Oom Piet
Posted by: Peter | 2010/10/20

No harm in having fantasies it''s whether you carry them out although your wife hit the ceiling she probably has some fantasies of her own

Reply to Peter
Posted by: Lego | 2010/10/19

What is it with all these men? Where do they get all these crazy ideas? Maybe watching too much porn?

Reply to Lego
Posted by: XXX | 2010/10/19

All to their own but if I was your wife I would feel the same way.

Reply to XXX
Posted by: Chris | 2010/10/19

You should never have told your wife, you should have gone to Adult World, im sure some guy there would have been happy to blow you.

Reply to Chris

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